Secrets Left Untold
by Sciencegal
Summary: SEQUEL TO "MESSAGES ON THE WALL". After escaping from Shredder's slavecamps, the turtles now have to deal with the problems left behind. Secretes kept from each other lead to some dangerous consequences. Will they be able to cope before it gets deadly?
1. Where they stand

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**Author's note:** It took some time to get this up here, but I hope you find that it was worth it. This is the **_sequel_** to _**"Messages on the Wall"**_ and you will have to read that first to understand what is going on in this fic. This the _**aftermath**_: what they are going through as they try to return to normalcy. I decided to write it the same way as the fic that preceeds it for linking purposes. Please read and tell me what you think!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the turtles & company and I'm sure you already know that. My OCs, Caden and Annie, are MINE along with the plot.

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Raph's POV:

It's been a whole month now since we were prisoners of the Shredder and none of us are over it yet. I shouldn't expect much, those slave camps were torture, but I hoped the memories would go away once we were back together. We're not the same anymore and I hate that part the most. My eyes stray from the television and land on Mikey as he walks behind the couch. It's hard to tell what's going through his head these days. He's so quiet now. I'll never admit it but I miss the old Mikey. Maybe a few of his jokes would brighten the lair a little, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

"Hey Mike?" I call before he can get too far away. Mikey turns and looks over at me. "Is Don still in his lab?"

"Last time I checked," Mikey says. That's another problem. There's only three places Donny could be at any given moment: his lab, the dojo, or topside. The last one worries me the most. Donny's taken it upon himself to rid New York's streets of the scum that live in it. A job usually reserved for me. This new side of him really scares me. What if he gets hurt? I never thought Donny would follow in my footsteps like this. He's supposed to be a pacifist! I glance over at the door to Don's lab.

"Couldja check fer me, Mike?" I ask.

"I guess," Mikey says as he walks over to Donny's lab. I would've checked myself, but I don't think I'll ever be able to enter Donny's lab again. I hate this fear. I almost can't handle using my own sais! They called it the infirmary at the slave camps, but that's not what I'd call it. They tortured me there until I broke. I never thought I could break like that and if it hadn't been for Master Splinter, I might still be locked in my own head feeling empty and worthless.

"Hey Donny?" Mikey asks as he knocks on the door a few times, "You in here?" There's no answer so Mikey opens the door and looks in. He closes it again soon after and nods in my direction. "He's there."

"Thanks Mikey," I say. I turn back towards the television but I'm not really paying any attention to it. It might as well be turned off for all I care. Keeping tabs on Mikey and Donny is supposed to be Leo's job, but I'm the one who ends up doing it because Leo's out all the time now. As soon as Leo was able to walk again after almost getting fried to death, he's been leaving the lair and doing who knows what only returning after everyone's gone to sleep. I try to stay up so I can confront him, but he's very good at avoiding me. I wouldn't even believe he even comes home if I hadn't noticed the slight changes that indicate he moved something around. He should be here helping me with Mikey and Don. I wonder if he even cares about them- about us- anymore.

I hear the door to Donny's lab open and turn just in time to catch Donny exiting the lair. I quickly get up to follow him, grabbing my sais off the table on my way and sticking them in their rightful place in my belt. I don't want to leave Mikey, but Donny's behavior could end up getting him killed and I got to make sure that doesn't happen. Master Splinter can keep an eye on him while I'm gone.

Donny's POV:

All this anger; I can't concentrate. All I can think about is Hun and how he had treated me. I thought that when I killed him, the anger would go away, but it didn't. It only got worse, because now there's no subject to direct my anger at. This anger confuses me. I have to get rid of it somehow. With a few chosen materials, I quickly leave the lair and go topside. I climb to the top of the nearest rooftop and listen to the sounds around me. I sit down and look over the ledge at the people below and the cars honking their horns as they try to maneuver in the late night traffic.

"Mind if I join ya?" I hear Raph say from behind me. I barely flinch. I had a feeling he had followed me but I was really hoping he didn't this time.

"Go away, Raph," I say in a low monotone. Raph chooses to ignore me as he sits down next to me.

"Why don'tcha talk ta me, Don?" Raph asks, "I can help ya."

"I don't need any help," I say, "I just want you to leave me alone for once." I stand up and turn my back to my older brother with my arms folded across my plastron. I hope he'll get the message and just leave, but he doesn't.

"If I leave you alone, you'll end up getting' yerself killed," He says, "Ya can't just go runnin' off like dat and start bashin' in heads when yer blinded by rage!"

"You used to."

"Yeah, I know. I'm a bad example, but this isn't you, Donny. Ya don't hafta do this. Shit, I don't hafta eitha. I don't wantcha messin' up like I did. Leave dat job ta me, got it? Dat's all I'm askin' of ya."

"You're starting to sound like Leo." I say as my face darkens, "I don't wanna hear it. Don't go following me, ya hear?" I take off running and jump over to the next rooftop. I don't really care if Raph does follow me because I plan on losing him.

Mikey's POV:

When I saw Raph leave the lair like that, I knew Donny had managed to sneak out again. I hate it when they leave me alone like this. It's easier for the memories to return. Stuff I'd rather not remember. I thought that after a whole month, everything would be back to normal, but what is normal really? It's been too long since things had been really 'normal' even before the day we were captured and separated three months ago. Now it's just worse though. Leo's never here anymore, Donny's acting more like Raph, and Raph's acting more like Leo. I just wish Leo could stop hiding away and do something about our breaking family. He always had all the answers. Maybe he can mend our bond that the Shredder had brutishly broken. As my memories threaten to take over, I find myself in front of Splinter's room. I knock on the sliding door and wait.

"Come in, Michelangelo," Splinter says from inside. I walk in with my head bowed down and kneel in front of him.

"Raph left after Donny again, sensei," I tell him.

"I see," He says, "Could you poor some tea for the two of us, then?"

"Sure," I say. I stand back up and I look over at Master Splinter. Even I can tell his health is deteriorating. Even since we got back for the slave camps, sensei rarely leaves his room. He's just not able to get around so easily anymore. I hope he doesn't die; not now. My brothers and I still need him.

Leo's POV:

Another day has gone by and I still can't face my brothers and sensei. Am I just some lousy coward? How could I ever explain to them I'm not as 'fearless' as they believe I am? That I was scared when it seemed my life would end? I had gotten so close to it before Raph had managed to cut me down from the chains that had bound me. Donny once told me that the smoke could kill you quicker then the actual flames themselves. I actually wished it would be quick. It would have been a fair punishment for letting my anger get to me like that.

I remember very little after killing that guard that had been beating my sensei. My anger had literally blinded me. For the briefest of moments, life carried no meaning to me. I didn't care about anything. When the anger decreased, it was replaced with a more incapacitating feeling. I felt empty and drained of all energy. All these feelings; it's all I can remember of my ordeal- I think I might have unconsciously blocked most of it out- but I vividly remembered the fire. There's no way I could forget that part. Every night I'm forced to relive the feeling of helplessness as the fire consumed me; the burns that stopped hurting after awhile. It's a nightmare that won't leave me alone. I barely can get any sleep when I'm at the lair. I have too much guilt- too much fear. The only place I can forget about all that- or at least dull the images and emotions threatening to overcome me- is losing myself among the anonymous people strolling through the streets of New York; a place to hide where I'm just as anonymous as they are.

My slow pace in a street full of rushing pedestrians causes me to get bumped around a little, but I don't take notice. Too many thoughts are vying for importance in my mind. The slight twinge of pain from my still healing burns on my lags causes me to wince. I'll have the scars for life just to remind me of my imprisonment and how close I got to death. It's not that I need them to remember anyway. The physical scars I can handle. I've already dealt with so many in my past that a few more will not be a problem. It's the thought of how vulnerable I had become and how reckless I was. I don't know how to deal with the consequences of that. How could I when I wasn't acting like myself at the time I felt those things?

I don't know if my life will ever be able to even resemble what it used to be. I thought that once we were free of that place, life would go back to normal, or at least we could get back to being a family again. Maybe it's my fault we're not as close as we used to be. I should be there making sure my brothers are adjusting back to normalcy well, but I can't; not now. Caden says I blame myself too much and he may be right.

That thought stops me in my tracks: Caden. I wonder how he's doing. The last time I saw him, he was dating Annie. A small smile crosses my face as I picture the two of them together before I force myself to start walking again. They had probably gone out again tonight and I don't want to end up running into them. Not when I'm vulnerable like this.

Casey's POV:

I watch April out of the corner of my eye hoping she won't notice. I've been keeping an eye on her ever since we escaped from that prison. She's different now and it's not too hard to figure out why. I don't know if that punk had managed to rape her or not, but I know he got close before I managed to kill the scumbag. The only thing that keeps her going now is Annie. April doesn't know that's why I come over all the time now. I tell her it's because my television at my apartment don't work no more and I can't miss my show. She seems to be buying it for now. It's either that or she just doesn't care.

The front door opens then and Caden and Annie walk in holding hands and laughing. Annie runs over and hugs April while Caden walks over to lean against the couch with his hands in his pockets. I remember Leo had given him that deep blue bandana Caden's wearing. That was before Leo had gone Awol. I never see Caden without that thing.

"How was the movie?" April asks as she places her hands on Annie's shoulders.

"It was great! I got Caden to watch that new comedy!" Annie babbled.

"Yeah, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be." Caden says, "Maybe I can get it on DVD and watch it with Leo and the guys…if Leo ever comes home that is…"

"Cheer up, Caden," April says, "Leo's going through some tough times right now."

"Well I should be going home right now." Caden says.

"I'll take ya," I say as I stand up from the couch right when my cell rings. "Hang on," I say as I reach for it and flip it on, "Yeah?"

"Casey," Raph says, "Don's run off again. Couldja keep an eye on Mikey at da lair? I think this is gonna be a long night."

"I was just gonna drop Caden off anyway." I say.

"Great, thanks Case."

"No prob'em, man," I say, "Ya sure ya don't need me ta help ya wit' Don though?"

"I can handle 'im as long as I keep 'im in sight." He says, "Say hi ta Caden fer me."

"Will do," I say before hanging up. I turn to look at Caden and say, "Raph says hi."

"He's cool," Caden says, smiling.

"Don ran off again?" April asks me.

"Yeah, it seems ta be becomin' a pattern wit'im," I say, "It's almost every day now."

"I hope he doesn't get hurt." She says.

"Well I gotta get goin' Ape," I say, "Bye Annie."

"See you later, Casey," Annie says, smiling, "Call me later, okay Caden?"

"Sure," He says as we walk out the door, his smile disappearing.

"Hey, whatcha thinkin' about?" I ask him.

"Sensei's behavior is really startin' ta worry me, dude." Caden says, "I mean he doesn't even train me anymore! I want Leo back to what he used to be; before he was almost killed."

"I'm sure he'll come 'round eventually." I say, "This is jus' da way Leo is."

"I hope he does. He's no fun anymore."

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**Author's note:** So please review so I know your views on this fic. I already have a few chapters writen, but I need encoragement to actually get around to posting it. That's why THIS one took so long to post! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!


	2. Fighting

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**Author's note:** I finished this when I wanted to this time! Yay me! And yay you, you wonderful readers! This is the next chapter. Things really start going in the next chapter, I think. This is still just building up for the eventual climax. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and the holiday! I was allowed to drink wine and I'm happy now! Alright, I warn you that I got a little poetic in Leo's POV... At the time, I was inspired by a fic I read and couldn't help myself... So here it is! Strangely, Donny gets first dibs in this chapter and the next. This has nothing to do with him being my favorite, it just happened that way, I swear!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the turtles & company. My OCs and the plot belong to ME!

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Donny's POV:

I think I lost him, but knowing Raph, he's probably just following me at a distance now to give me false hope. He better not interrupt me at any rate. I plan on having a little fun first by throwing around a few disbanded dragons. I feel better when I'm bashing them up. It's easier to conceal this strange anger inside of me.

I hear the first signs of a conflict and I immediately run towards the source. It seems a few dragons had decided to rob a small store and didn't expect the owners still closing up. From my vantage point, I can see one of the punks getting ready to bash in the middle-aged storeowner's head. I flip down to the scene, wiping out my bo staff, and slamming it into the side of the loser's head before my feet even touch the ground. The fearful glance of the victim irks me before I manage to look away and watch as the rest of the dragons exit the shop and form a half-circle around me. I grin as I catch a few worried glances exchanged among them before twirling my bo staff around and catching about five of them, sending them to the ground like dominos. None of them are a match for me. I almost laugh at their pathetic attempts to disable me. I can fight more than these measly numbers and still beat the shell out of all of them. They have nothing on me. With an almost sadistic grin, I challenge them to _try_ to get past me.

Raph's POV:

It was tough keeping Donny in sight- he seemed intent on losing me- but I still manage it. He's already got himself into a fight and it's not even that late yet! I shake my head as I watch my younger brother take on a swarm of Purple Dragon freaks. I have to admit, he's handling himself well, but I know it can't last for too long. I'll let him cool off for now, but if it starts to turn the tables against my brother, I'm stepping in.

That's when I took the time to call Casey up on my shell cell. I can't leave Mikey alone with Master Splinter for too long. I won't be able to keep my head if I'm constantly worrying about him. Casey and Caden might even bring him out of his shell a little.

Donny hasn't been fighting for too long when I decide it's time to step in. A dragon had managed to sneak around his defense with his knowledge and was reading his pipe to bash in my brother's skull. I jump down if front of the punk and block his attack with my sais before kicking him back.

"Raph," Donny grumbles without turning around to face me so we were shell-to-shell. "This is my fight."

"Yeah, and you're doin' a very good job of it, aren't ya?" I ask, sarcastically, "Ya almost lost da best part of ya, little brother. Purple-hair here almost managed ta get a shot in before I stepped in."

"I was aware of that," Donny obviously lies. He should know by now he sucks at lying and just drop the act.

"Yeah, sure ya were," I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Lyin' never was one of yer strong points, Donny-boy."

"Well if you insist on annoying the shell out of me like this, I see no other alternative but allow you the pleasure of joining me in taking out the trash: turtle-style." He says.

"Sounds like a plan ta me," I say just as the dragons close in for the next batch of attacks.

Mikey's POV:

After my first cup of Master Splinter's herbal tea is gone, I hear the sounds of movement and voices I recognize outside of sensei's room. At Splinter's nod, I rush out of his room to see Casey and Caden just entering the lair.

"Hey Mikey," Casey called, "Ya doin' okay?"

"Yeah," I say, "How was the date, Caden?"

"It was fun," He says in a low monotone.

"Leo's continued absence still bothering you, huh?" I say, empathetically, before grabbing his blue bandana and pulling it off his head. "At least this says he cares for ya, right?"

"Give it back!" Caden yells as he jumps up and down to try to reach for it, but I keep it just out of his reach.

"Not until you smile for me," I say, "I need to see that smile of yours or it'll be harder for me to do so as well. Smiles are contagious ya know."

"I just want my bandana back," Caden says before he turns to Casey, "Casey?"

"Sorry Caden, but I'm with Mikey on this." He says, "Ya gotta smile more, kid."

"Oh alright!" Caden says as he tries to smile. It looks more like a grimace and I almost laugh. "Zat better?"

"Nope," I say, "I gotta believe it. I know you can fake some pretty mean smiles. I've seen some of them myself."

"Fine," He says as he smiles again, "Does dat cut it fer ya, boss?"

"The job is yours." I say, smiling as well, as I toss the bandana into the air. Caden catches it before it touches the ground and replaces it over his messy blond hair. "You really are obsessed with that thing."

Splinter's POV:

I can feel the tension growing between my sons. They are growing more distant. I fear there are still secretes among them that they had not told a month ago. Those secretes are what could destroy them in the end. Raphael seems to be the only one trying to keep them together, but I fear his effects might be in vain if Donatello continues with his antics.

With Caden around, I sense that Michelangelo's spirit lightens just a little. For that I am grateful. Without the child, things would be much worse for us then they are now. I do not know what to do about Leonardo. My eldest son always returns to the lair very late and completely exhausted; always too late for me to find the chance to talk to him. Then he leaves again only hours later. I'll have to talk to him soon.

Yelling voices soon reach my ears and I slowly get to my feet. I walk towards my door and open it as I look out. I watch as Donatello stomps inside the lair closely followed by Raphael.

"Donny listen ta me!" Raphael yells after him.

"NO!" Donatello yells over his shoulder, "Why should I? You're being irrational!"

"I'm being irrational? Donny, if anyone's being irrational here, it's you." Raphael says.

"You filthy hypocrite!" Donatello shouts back before opening the door to his lab. "Don't talk to me, Raphael. I don't want to hear it!" He then slams the door to his lab, disappearing inside. I watch as Raphael pauses at the door in the act of reaching for the door knob to follow his brother before slamming his fist against it and abruptly turning away. I make my presence known then and Raphael quickly turns to face me.

"Oh um…hey Master Splinter," Raphael says as he self-consciously rubs the back of his neck, "Sorry ya had ta hear dat."

"It is understandable my son." I say, sighing, "Why don't you join our friends and Michelangelo in the sitting area? I believe they are watching a movie."

"Uh…sure thing sensei," He says before walking off. I watch him go worriedly before turning to return to my room. I can only hope they can overcome all that had happened soon before something terrible happens.

Leo's POV:

I pay no heed to where my feet take me. It would take too much effort to concentrate. I know I'm already exhausted but I ignore this as I walk on. It's still too early to return. The slowly darkening night is barely noticed or cared about as multicolored neon lights brighten the street to an illusioned daylight. The only signs of the passing time are the lengthening shadows and the hazy darkness above. Loud music drifts over me from a late-night bar as I pass it, interrupting the rhythmic sounds of cars honking in the distance and other sounds I barely care about. I move on.

My eyes glance over at a familiar sign as I near April's shop. I'm briefly surprised my feet had taken me here but I should have known with the way my thoughts were heading. This was where it had all began three months ago. This was where it all started; the ambush that ultimately brought about our capture. All those memories I had so far managed to keep at bay begin to tug at the corners of my vision. I hadn't even realized I had stopped walking again. A lone tear falls down my face as I clench my fist. I don't know where that tear had come from, but I can't stand the chance that more could follow.

I abruptly turn away from the offensive source of my distress and find the first man-hole cover to retreat to. It seems it is time to return to the lair. It doesn't seem to take as long as usual to travel through the twisting labyrinth of the sewer system; probably due to my complete exhaustion. I slowly walk into the lair and scan the area carefully. I am way too tired for a confrontation so I am desperately hoping to avoid one at all costs. I notice one of the many television screens are on and the four silhouettes on the couch. As I slowly walk over, I notice all four of them are asleep. I glance over at the television debating whether I should turn it off or not. I chose not to. Raph is a light sleeper and turning the television off might just wake him up. I've noticed he has been trying to confront me about my long absences. Ironic really, but he's going to have to try harder then that if he ever wants to succeed.

I hold back a wave of dizziness as I start to walk towards the stairs to the second level and, ultimately, my room. I take this as a sign to hurry to my room before I end up falling asleep right here. It must be later then I thought. After struggling up the stairs and into my room, I allow myself to fall onto my bed face-first and almost instantly fall into a torturous sleep.

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**Author's Note:** Well, what do you think about THIS chapter? I've never been to New York before, so I asked my friend who has if I betrayed it alright. What do YOU think? Please review. I'll try to update soon.


	3. Awakening

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**Author's note:** Here's the next chapter! This is where things start going wrong. I needed something to bring Henry back so I did something to my fav turtle. Henry returns in TWO more chapters! Yay, right? Well read this chapter and I'll try to post the next one soon. My birthday was yesterday and I wanted to be lazy instead of writing and all that jazz. Raph gets two POVs this time and I even convinced myself to go on ahead and add in Leo's POV at the end. Seems Donny will start it off in the next chapter as well... This fic doesn't seem like it will be as long as MotW was...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the turtles & company but I do own the plot and the OCs that show up!

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Donny's POV

The next day goes by much the same as everyday for the past month has. No matter how hard I try to distract myself by trying to get back to my projects that were left unfinished before our capture, I can't seem to concentrate on anything. I need to get out again. I walk over to the door to my lab were I had locked myself in since Raph brought me back home yesterday and listen to the sounds outside of it. I think I hear the muffled sounds of sparing coming from the dojo. I think it's safe… I inch my door open and peek my head out scanning my surroundings for any sign of anyone who might prohibit me from doing what I feel I must. When I find the coast is clear, I sneak out of the lair again. Hopefully this time Raph won't follow me. I need to be alone. I don't want to fight with my usually hotheaded brother. Even though he's being an irrational hypocrite, I can't deny some of his logic. I can't let him stop me from my only available outlet for my increasing rage. It's just tearing me apart inside. I have to do this just to keep my sanity. I'll have to stop him if he does follow me and I really don't want to follow through with the plan I have to lose him. He won't like it and I know it will really damage our bond, but I will have no choice. _Please don't follow me, Raph!_

Raph's POV:

"Again?" I whisper, warily watching my brainy brother sneak out of the lair again as I grip my sais a little too hard before replacing them in the rightful place in my belt. "Come on, Don. Why don'tcha jus' give it a rest already?"

"You gonna follow him again?" Mikey asks me as he sadly tucks his nunchukus back into his belt. We had been sparing in the dojo when Donny had decided to leave.

"O'course I am," I say, glaring lightly at my youngest brother, "He's really startin' ta piss me off."

"Ya might wanna hurry then," Caden says from were he had been watching. "He's already got a head start."

"I know," I grumble before taking off after my run-away brother. Thankfully, it doesn't take too long to track him down. I quickly catch up to him, grab his arm, and turn him to face me.

"Where do ya think yer goin', huh?" I ask him.

"What does it look like?" Don asks me, "When will you ever leave me alone?"

"When ya stop actin' like dis." I say, "Why do ya run off like dis anyway? Have ya really changed dat much? Yer startin' ta scare me, bro."

"I don't need your sympathy," He says as he jerks his arm out of my grasp, "Why don'tcha go back to the lair and leave me alone? I'm sick of you always following me out of tha lair like some kind a smart missile. I don't need your help!"

"Sum' times I think ya do, Donny." I say, "More than once already I've hadta save yer shell 'cause ya only care about killin'! Ya used ta hate killin' anythin', but now nu'in' fazes ya. Ya jus' go on bashin' away at da enemy wit' no thought of self-preservation. This ain't you, bro. I know it ain't and I wish I could kill da bastard who made ya like dis."

"Nice speech and all," Don says with a sneer and a wave of his hand, "But I've got better things to do then just stand here chatting with you, big brother. Stay out of my battles." Before I can react, a blinding white light flashes before my eyes and I fall to my knees. My eyes are squeezed shut against the searing pain that had erupted in them at what I knew to be one of Donny's flash bombs. Those things can end up blinding you permanently. I can't believe Donny would do that to me! I hope I can get my sight back and pound him for that! I turn my mask around to cover my eyes better against the blinding pain before feeling for my shell cell and pressing the speed dial for Casey's number through memory only. I know I won't be able to see a thing for a while and it's seriously bugging the shell out of me!

"Hey," Casey greets me as he answers his cell.

"I'm gonna need yer help, Case," I say into the cell. "Donny's run off again and I can't see nu'in'! He went and threw a fuckin' flash bomb at me! I don't know where he want afta dat, but dere's no way I can catch 'im like dis!"

"Where are ya?" Casey asks, "I'll come pick ya up." I quickly give him my location.

"Hurry Casey," I say, "We still hafta find Don. I have a seriously bad feelin' sum'thin's gonna happen ta 'im tonight."

"I'm on my way, buddy!" Casey says before he hangs up. I let my shell cell fall out of my grasp and look around blindly. Not for the first time, I feel that familiar fear creep down my spine. _Come on Casey, hurry!_

Mikey's POV:

I don't know how long I stood there staring after Raph. Why am I always the one left behind? At least Caden's here with me. I tear my gaze away from the door and look over at the newest addition to our family. He's staring at me with a sympathetic look on his young and innocent face.

"You okay?" Caden asks, "'Cause if yer not, maybe I can help?"

"Nah, it's alright, Caden," I say, sighing, "Don't worry about me, okay?" I try to smile, but Caden doesn't seem convinced. He just crosses his arms and gives me this penetrating look I've only ever seen Leo use successfully. "Ah…I'll just go and…get some fresh air or something…" I say as I move to escape his glance. Caden just watches me before turning towards the many television sets, switching one on, and then falling back onto to the couch.

"Hope ya feel better afterwards." Caden says before I manage to leave the lair completely. It's only just starting to get dark outside. I climb up to the top of the nearest building and use the sounds of New York's city streets to distract me. I don't want to remember the horrors I went through at those slave camps. I don't want to end up crying about Joe's death. I remember how her blood had covered me, splattered all over my face. I remember how the messages my brothers and I had written on the wall of the trench to each other as a source of comfort and structure was streaked with Joe's blood. I remember how I gave up on my brothers ever helping me to get of there for that brief moment in time. It's not healthy for me to be alone like this for very long. I'm worried Henry might return. I never told anyone about Henry other then Chief Crayne, Joe's grandfather. They'd probably think I was crazy or something even worse. He manages to return, how will I keep his presence from my brothers? They'd end up finding out my secrete; my greatest fear…

A strange worry envelopes me then, disrupting me and forcefully dragging me out of my thoughts: Donny. I quickly pull out my shell cell and call Raph. Maybe he can explain away this worry about my purple-clad brother. It takes a while before my brother's cell to be answered, but I wait as patiently as possible.

"Hello?" Raph's voice asks over the cell.

"Raph, do you know where Donny is?" I ask, hurriedly.

"Why Mike?" Raph asks me.

"'Cause I got this strange feeling something's wrong." I say.

"I got it too," Raph admits, "But I won't be able to chase after him. Donny threw a flash bomb at me before he took off and I still can't see nu'in'. Casey's gonna be here any second now. Mike? Couldja go look fer Donny fer me? Casey might help if he can when he's free."

"Sure Raph," I say with my eyes wide. I can't believe Donny would do that! "I'll see ya later then."

"Yeah, sure," Raph says, dejectedly before I hang up. I quickly get to my feet and scan the city. I know Donny would probably fighting purple dragons right now and all I have to do is find out where. A small smile crosses my face as I get an idea. I know Donny won't answer his cell if I called him, but he'd still keep it on him out of habit. I hope he didn't turn off the tracker or this idea would be worthless. I look down as my shell cell and try to remember how to work the tracker-thingy. After a few tries, I manage it and allow myself another small smile. Thankfully, he didn't turn it off. I follow the blinking dot that represents my missing brother until I'm almost right on-top of it. Looking around, I hear the sounds of fighting nearby and I quickly look over the edge of the building I'm currently on just in time to see my older brother get slammed into the wall behind him. I spot his bo staff lying useless on the other side of the alley.

Shaking off my initial shock of seeing my brother get beaten like this, I jump down into the alley. I quickly start twirling my beloved 'chucks and fight off all the purple dragons until, before I know it, the ones left conscious are running away from me. I battle with the idea of chasing them down, but Donny's bo staff catches my eye and I decide my brother needs me more right now. I pick up his wooden staff and walk over to where he lies unconscious.

"Donny?" I ask as I kneel down next to his beaten body. After a quick check, I realize he's still breathing but it's shallow and he still hasn't woken up yet. I pull his arm over my shoulder and lift him off the ground. He lets out a low groan at this and I look him over. "Donny?" I ask again, but he doesn't respond, "It's gonna be alright, bro. I'm taking you home."

Raph's POV:

By the time I hear Casey approach, I've stopped worrying about Don. I hate being blind! I feel so helpless! I wish my vision would just return already! "What took ya so long?" I growl.

"I ran inta a little trouble tryin' ta get ta you, alright?" Casey says, "Now hold out yer hand."

"I'm gonna hate dis, aren't I?" I ask as I reluctantly obey, "If Donny's alright when I see 'im, he's gonna pay fer dis!"

"I thought ya couldn't see anythin'?" Casey asks.

"Oh shut up, bonehead!" I yell as I slowly stand to my feet and let him lead me. "Ya betta not lead me off da edge."

"Don't worry, man," Casey says, "I've gotcha."

"That's what I'm worried about." I mumble.

&&&&&&&&

It takes a while with Casey leading me before we arrive at the lair. I jerk my hand out of his grasp, blindly walk over to the sitting area, and plop down on the couch. Casey sucks at leading. I'm lucky I even made it back.

"What happened?" I hear Caden ask beside me.

"Nu'in'," I say as I turn to where he is and glare at him. My eyes are still burning slightly so I lie back in the couch and lay my arm over them. It doesn't take too long before I hear the lair door open again.

"Is Donny alright?" I hear Caden ask as he probably jumps off the couch and to his feet.

"I think he's just unconscious." I hear Mikey say, "Casey? Could you help me get him to his room?"

"What kinda shape is he in?" I ask before Casey can answer. There's a brief pause at my words before I get any reply.

"You still can't see?" Mikey asks, hesitantly.

"Why else would I be askin'?" I snap at him.

"He's gotten a tad bit more irritable because of it too." I hear Casey whisper to Mikey.

"Oh," Mikey says, "Donny has some bruises but I don't know all his injuries. He hit his head fairly hard too."

"That's jus' great!" I growl. I knew he was bound to get hurt eventually. I just hoped I was mistaken.

Leo's POV:

It feels like I hadn't slept at all. I was only able to sleep for three hours before I woke up from another nightmare. I just can't get any decent sleep anymore. Night had returned as I roamed the streets. Central Park is just up ahead. I haven't been practicing ninjitsu since we escaped from the slave camps a month ago. I sit down on the only unoccupied bench and unsheathed one of my katanas. For two months, I was separated from them. Two long months... I never thought I'd see them again.

I lay back on the bench and look up towards the almost starless sky, still grasping the _Tsuka_ of my beloved katana. It's a miracle I even found them again. All our old weapons had been thrown away like thrash after our capture. It took me almost two weeks to find them all: Raph's sais, Mikey's nunchukus, Donny's bo staff...and my katanas. The ones Raph helped me forge from scrap metal at Casey's farmhouse. For that reason, these katanas are even more special to me then my first set were. They mean the world to me. The way the light glints off the curved blade and the way the _Tsuka_ feels so right in my hand. I feel like I can do anything with them...except face my own family.

Any enemy I've faced in the past, I could handle easily. My katanas can slice through any enemy defenses standing in my way. I can do anything in the heat of battle, but why can't I face my own fears? Why do I have to struggle just to return to the lair? I hate feeling like this.

I get back to my feet and close my eyes as I slice my katana through the air. The sound it makes as it whips through the air is like a soft melody to me. I whip out my other katana and do the same. Each move of my kata soothes me; calming my restless mind. The sounds around me only add to the effect I am creating. My mind clears as both of my katanas slice through the air and invisible enemies. All the memories I am trying to avoid are forgotten. It's just me and my katanas now. Time has no meaning to me right now. Only then does the need to return home fully washes over me. I end my kata and open my eyes to the world around me. My exhaustion returns as I sheath my katanas. I can tell it is very late and decide to head back. I stumble through the twisting sewer system and enter the lair. I'm so tired, I can barely see.

"Leonardo!" I hear Master Splinter say sternly. I freeze before warily glancing over at him. He seems to be leaning heavily on his cane as he glares me down, his whiskers twitch agitatedly as his tail whips against the ground. He's obviously really angry. "Come with me, my son." He orders. I quickly nod before shrugging of my disguise and following him into his room. With my head bowed in a mixture of respect, exhaustion, and guilt, a I watch as he sits down on one of his many mats.

"Kneel." He says and I nod again before obeying. "I know you are exhausted my son, but your absences must be dealt with now. While you were out, Donatello was nearly beaten to death by the Purple Dragons. I fear he would've gotten killed if Michelangelo hadn't stepped in when he did." My eyes widen at this information and sensei lets out a low sigh as his ears flatten against his skull. "You would have been aware of this if you had not left with your shell cell. Raphael was unable to help due to Donatello blinding him with one of his flash bombs. He still has not recovered his sight."

"Is Donny alright?" I ask. My voice sounds a little hoarse from lack of use and I quickly clear it.

"I trust he will be fine, but there is really no way of knowing for sure. He still has yet to awaken."

"Can I check on him?" I ask.

"You must rest, my son." He says.

"_Hai_, sensei...after I check on Donny." I say. Sensei sighs before nodding. I quickly rush out of his room, all wariness forgotten, and into my injured brother's room. I walk up to Donny's bed and look him over. A blanket had been laid over top of him so I can only see his head. On the side of his face is a purple-ish bump with a little drop of blood slowly dripping down from it. I wipe it away with my finger. This is what I get for running off all the time. This is my punishment. I pull up a chair next to his bed, sit down, and entwine my hand with his. _Please wake up, bro._

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**Author's note:** Well what do you think? I personally like how Leo's POV turned out in this chapter. Splinter is soo mad! Though Leo did have a little weird part when it came to that katana scene... I tried, okay? Please review!


	4. Tension

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**Author's note:** Here's the next chapter. Is it short? If it is, it's because I'm saving Mikey's POV for the next chapter because it just fits better that way. The next chapter I am still working on so it'll be some time before I update again. The italicized writing in the first paragraph of Don's POV is a flashback. I hope you like this chapter but I must say, Leo's giving me a hard time now *glares at Leo* (Leo: *oblivious* What did I do?). Well, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** The turtles and company do not belong to me. I only own my OCs and the plot!

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Donny's POV:

…_I was fighting all right for some time before the dragon I was fighting managed to get past my defenses and smash his metal pipe into the side of my head. Stars erupted in my vision, but I manage to say conscious. My bo staff had been thrown from my grasp. I struggled to my feet only to get kicked back into the wall behind me. My head smashed back into the wall and it got harder to stay conscious. My eyes slowly closed and I fell limp to the ground. The last thing I consciously remember was getting kicked and punched all over my body…_

…I slowly open my eyes and hold my head as it pounds beneath my hand. I look down at my other hand to see someone grasping it. I look over at Leo and back a laugh at the way he's lying. I can tell he's asleep with his head on my bed. I remove my hand from his grasp and, ignoring the slight twinge of pain, look over at the clock by my bed. _12:16 in the afternoon? And Leo's still here? Asleep?_ I'm surprised he hasn't woken up yet. Especially because he's supposed to be a light sleeper. He must be really tired then. I watch him as his fists clench and he starts to moan in his sleep. _Is Leo having a nightmare?_

"No," He starts mumbling repeatedly. I'm scared to wake him: what if he runs off again? Leo's nightmare just seems to get worse and I place my hand on his shoulder. Almost instantly he stops mumbling and seems to fall back into a more peaceful sleep. Hopefully he'll stay like that…

"Donny?" I hear him mumble as he lifts his head to look at me, ruining my hopes that he'll stay asleep. I lie back on my bed with a groan.

"Yeah?" I ask. I look over at Leo and sits up and looks away from me.

"You're okay now, right?" He asks.

"Why?" I ask, sharply, "You want permission to leave us again?" I catch Leo flinch at this before I continue. "What were you dreaming about anyway?"

"What do you mean?" Leo asks without looking at me.

"You were having a nightmare, weren't you?" I ask, "Why don't you tell me about it?"

"I…" Leo begins before standing and turning to face the door, folding his arms across his plastron. "I'm more worried about you right now. Do you always run off like that? And Raph, I haven't even found out if he can see yet. What's gotten into you, Don?"

"Don't lecture me, Leo," I say turning away from him and wincing as pain shots through my body. "I'm not in the mood."

"Donny?" I hear Leo say and I realize he must've heard the pain I tried to keep out of my voice.

"And I asked you a question." I say, firmly.

"Donny," Leo moans.

"What? You don't want to talk about it?" I say a little harshly.

"It was just a dream. Nothing to worry about." He says, "I don't even remember it anymore anyway." I can tell he's lying and hear the twinge of fear my eldest brother had tried to keep out of his voice. I also know he's not planning on talking about it anytime soon.

Both of us look towards the door as Mikey walks in. Leo turns away abruptly at our younger brother's presence and Mikey ignores him in turn. "How are you feeling, Donny?" Mikey asks me.

"I'll be fine," I say, "Nothing I can't handle." Leo glances over at me, doubtfully, before turning back towards the wall.

"You really scared me, bro." Mikey says, "Don't ever do that again, okay?"

"How's Raph?" I ask instead of replying, "Is he mad at me?"

"Raph got his vision back this morning and yes, he's mad at you." He says, "As soon as he finds out your okay he said he'll, well, 'pound ya' to use his exact words." I turn away from Mikey then before he continues, "So where have you been, Leo?"

Leo's POV:

I look over at Mikey, slowly, as he addresses me with my eyes only. I'm really not ready for this kind of conversation. I'm surprised I got a decent night's sleep. Otherwise, I'd probably be gone already. I don't know how to answer Mike's question so I don't.

"Leo!" Mikey says, snapping me out of my thoughts as he waves his hand in front of my face. "Are ya there, bro?"

"Yeah," I say as I turn away from him.

"So where do you hide all day?" He asks more softly.

"I…I wasn't hiding…" I say, "I really don't want to talk about this right now, okay?"

"Leo…" He says as he places his hand on my shoulder. I struggle against pushing him away.

"Are ya scared?" I hear Raph ask from the doorway. I abruptly turn towards him where he's leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded over his plastron. "Is that why yer neva around anymore?"

"Raph…" I try to begin, but I'm unable to finish. What can I say? He's right. I am scared. I am afraid what they'll think of me when they find out about my temporary weakness at the face of death. I'm supposed to be their leader. I can't afford to feel fear. Instead, I say, "I just couldn't sleep." It was a half-truth, so I felt no guilt in saying it.

So you're having nightmares?" Donny abruptly asks me from his bed. "I assume like the one you were having after I woke up. Do they have something to do with our capture?" I quickly glance at him before sitting down against the wall and begin scratching at my bandages still wrapped around my legs from my thighs to my toes.

"No," I say, leaning my head back against the wall, "I told you already, 'I don't remember'."

"Don't scratch at those." Donny reprimands me and I quickly lie my hands over my plastron instead. Sometimes Donny has a way of talking that I don't even acknowledge obeying his orders.

"It's how close you got to execution, isn't it?" Mikey asks softly, "That's what gives you nightmares. It would definitely give me nightmares if I was in your shell."

"Guys please!" I moan as I close my eyes, "Stop with the interrogation! I'm not ready for it!"

"When _will_ ya be 'ready', fearless?" Raph asks me, "I'm sick o' waitin' fer ya!"

"Leave me alone," I say in a low whisper as I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. _I can't handle this! I have to get out!_

"What waz dat, Leo?" Raph asks. He obviously didn't hear me.

"I said, 'LEAVE ME ALONE'!" I yell as my eyes snap open and I quickly get to my feet. "I can't take this anymore!" I run out of the room, forcefully pushing Raph out of the way, and jump down to the lower level. I wince at the tightness I feel in my legs before I quickly run out of the lair.

Raph's POV:

It takes me a full minute to realize I had landed on the ground when Leo had pushed me. I didn't expect him to run off like that! He really must be having some problems if he snapped that easily. Mikey's holding out his hand for me, offering to help me to my feet. After a short battle with myself on if I should take it or not, I allow him to help me to my feet.

"You okay?" Mikey asks me.

"I'm fine," I say, abruptly before turning back towards where Leo had disappeared to, "I wonder what's eatin' at 'im?"

"Who cares?" Donny says, grumpily, "It's better without him!"

"How can you say that, Donny?!" Mikey almost shrieks, "He's our brother!"

"Well he isn't acting like it!" Donny snaps back.

"Neither are you, Don." I snap at him. Donny glares over at me, but I ignore it, "A brother wouldn't blind me with a flash bomb. Even if it was temporary, I didn't get my sight back 'til dis mornin'!"

"You shouldn't have followed me." He says, simply and maybe even a little smug? "You let Leo go off on his own just then, but you always annoyingly follow me out!"

"That is because I know Leo ain't gonna get 'imself killed by bein' stupid."

"Are you calling me stupid?! You're the one with the lower IQ!"

_He had to go there, didn't he? Insulting my intelligence like that? He should know better then that!_ For the first time in a month, I feel true rage boil up inside me. I didn't want to fight with Donny, especially because he only recently woke up after nearly getting beaten to death, but from now on I know my rage will be harder to contain. I will still try though. My usually pacifist brother is a lot more dent-able then Mikey or Leo. Donny usually avoids a fight both physical and verbal if he feels it is unneeded, in effect creating a more peaceful bond between us, but ever since we returned after our two-month capture, I felt the bond slowly shatter. Now I'll have to try harder to mend it…after I blow off some steam first.

"How dare ya say sum'thin' like dat?!" I yell as calmly as I can manage, "You've never said anythin' like dat before. What makes ya think ya can say dat now?!"

"I can say whatever I want to!" Donny yells at me. He sits up in his bed, wincing slightly, before swinging his legs over the side of the bed and glaring at me. "You are a nuisance to me and a waste of my time. Get out of my room!" My anger fades as I see him hop down off his bed, swaying slightly as he holds his head, before weakly walking over to me and begin to push me out of his room. I allow him to do this hoping he'll go back to his bed afterwards. I'm not entirely surprised Mikey's already disappeared.

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**Author's end note:** So what did you guys think of this chapter? What do you think about Don and Raph's fight? I enjoyed writing that part. Hehe... Please review and I'll try to finish the next chapter today so I can post it tomorrow but with the writer's block I'm having with Leo's POV right now, I don't know if I'll make it... . 0.0 .


	5. Henry's return and a Klunk lookalike?

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**Author's note:** I know this chapter is shorter then the previous one, but Leo's POV was just so long I didn't want to add anything more. I might post the next one soon to make up for this short chapter. It's only two POVs! Enter Henry and I also add a cute cat moment...^.^

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the turtles and company. Just the plot and my OCs are mine!

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Mikey's POV:

I leave Donny's room as soon as I notice the first signs of a fight brewing between my brothers. I hate it when any of my brothers fight like that. I'm surprised Raph hasn't gotten physical yet the way he used to. I guess Raph has changed a lot since our capture and escape. Even so, those verbal battles could end up damaging their bond more so then any physical ones could. How can they fight so soon after what happened to Donny? _If I hadn't been there… _I don't even want to think about it.

As soon as I'm in my room, I allow myself to fall face-first onto my bed and place my head on my folded arms. _How long will it be before our family falls apart? What is our breaking point? Will it be dad's death?_ He's been getting so weak and brittle lately. I wonder if it has anything to do with us. He's supposed to be our rock; our crutch, but now it's draining on him and it's all our fault. Without him, we might fall, crashing into the river, allowing the tide to sweep us away. We're weighing on him too much.

"_Then why don't you just leave?"_ I hear a voice say. I instantly freeze with my eyes wide. That voice sends chills down my spine. _No! It can't be him!_

"_What's wrong, Michelangelo?"_ He asks, _"You didn't think I could return? Then you are naïve."_

"Henry," I mutter before turning towards the source of his voice. A complete skeleton is sitting on a chair against the wall on the opposite side of the room. "How…? I destroyed you!"

"_You really think crushing an inanimate object could ever destroy me? You only made me stronger."_ Henry begins tapping his long skeletal fingers against the armrest of his chair as he looks at me through vacant eyes. He shakes his head as he says, _"You've always underestimated my strength. Soon you'll understand what we can be if you allow me full reign."_

"That will never happen." I say, as I try not to look away from him. I won't let him control me. "Now leave!"

"_That won't work this time."_ He says, _"You can't control me, Michelangelo. I am stronger then you'll ever be. You need me. Let me in and you won't have to remember anything. I can take away your fears; your pain, anything. You just have to allow me to help you."_

"No," I say. It's the only response I can give. I don't want to remember, but I don't trust Henry either. My eyes suddenly land on Henry's wrists where chains are holding them to the chair. I look at them curiously and Henry notices this as he looks down as well.

"_So you noticed these?"_ He asks as he lifts his arm a little off the armrest as far as he can manage. _"Intriguing isn't it? Surprisingly, this is of your doing. See what you have reduced me to? Soon I will break these pathetic chains that are binding me and there will be no way you can stop me."_

"I did that?" I ask in surprise before narrowing my eyes at him. "Doesn't that mean I am strong enough to get rid of you?"

"_You can't hold me back for long. These chains are weak. You are barely managing to keep me at bay. I am here, am I not? If these chains worked as they are supposed to, I wouldn't be able to talk to you like this. I had to talk to you. What you are doing to yourself; it's damaging your psyche. I should know as I am a part of you. Let me in and I will help you."_

"No way!" I say, "You'll try to turn me against my brothers like you tried to do last time! How can I ever trust you, Henry?"

"Mikey?" I hear Raph say and I instantly freeze. I slowly turn to see my brother standing in the doorway. The expression on his face tells me he might have heard at least part of our conversation. I turn back to Henry only to find he has disappeared before turning back to Raph.

"Ah… Hey Raph," I say as I smile nervously, "Ah… You are done talking with Donny then?"

"Were ya jus' talkin' wit' someone, Mikey?" Raph asks me.

Leo's POV:

I can't believe this! I really am a coward! I wonder what my brothers think of me now? I almost convinced myself to stay. I might have to if my brothers hadn't bombarded me with questions like that. I just couldn't take it! I didn't want them to find out about my fears and I just ended up alienating myself even more. I punch my fist into the wall of the alley before sliding against the wall into a sitting position with my knees pulled up to my plastron. Will we ever go back to the way it was? For some reason I don't think so.

I hear a low cat meow and look up to see an orange tabby hop onto a nearby box. This cat reminded me of Mike's cat, Klunk. I allow myself a small smile. I wonder what happened to Klunk anyway. The cat had disappeared after our two month capture. I remember Mikey had spent close to a week searching for his lost cat after he found out he was missing. That was while I was still bed-ridden. I subconsciously scratch at the bandages around my legs again as this memory flashes before my eyes. I wonder where Mikey got the name 'Klunk' anyway. I never bothered to ask.

The Klunk look-alike hissed when it sees me sitting here before it slumps down onto the box. I look at it, curiously, as I see it begin to like at its side and down its leg. That's when I notice the blood. The cat is bleeding badly and I can tell the injury is serious. I get up to my knees and the cat turns its attention back to me. I freeze, staring back at it. The cat makes a weak meow and hisses at me, daring me to get closer. _Let's see… What would Mikey do to clam this cat's fears?_

"Hey kitty," I whisper as I tentatively reach out for it. The cat leans back away from me in response. "Come on. You can trust me. I'm not gonna hurt you." The cat hisses again and snaps at my hand, actually managing to draw blood. I wince and shack off the pain.

"I'm trying to help you here!" I say. I let out a long sigh and crawl a little closer to the cat. It watches my every move through golden eyes. I reach out and grab it before it can escape. I hold it tightly in my arms as it struggles, bites, and scratches against my hold and begin to whisper a soft Japanese lullaby while rubbing its matted fur. Slowly, it stops struggling as its eyes slowly close. I surprised it struggled for so long. I continue to brush through its fur as I try to decide what to do next. I know it might need to see a vet, but I definitely can't take it. I'm not taking it back to the lair either. The only remaining option is taking it to April. I haven't seen her for a month!

But I can't go there! That's were everything started! I don't know if I can handle going back there, but I've got to do something or this cat will die! I close my eyes to calm myself. I'll have to go to her. I gather up my courage and stand up to my feet, holding the cat tightly against my plastron. I pull off my mask and tie it around the cat's torso to stop the bleeding before climbing up the fire-escape to the top of the nearest building. I don't have my disguise on me so I have to take the rooftops. I wonder if I'll manage the jumps with my stiff legs.

I go on my way as quickly as possible. The cat doesn't move in my arms and I can feel its breathing getting shallower. When April's building comes into view, I stop running. I close my eyes against the memories before I can get myself to move forward. I hop down onto the fire-escape outside April's open window and knock to announce my presence before slipping inside. Casey looks up from where he's watching television at my arrival.

"Leo?" He says, "What's up?"

"Cat," I say as I walk forward and hold it up for him to see. "It's hurt and I was wondering if April can take it to a vet or something. Where is April?"

"She's in tha kitchen preparing something with Caden and Annie's help." He says.

"Caden's here?!" I saw with my eyes wide.

"Yeah, I brought 'im over last night 'cause Mike and Raph didn't wan' 'im buggin' Don."

"Great," I say as my shoulders slump slightly.

"Why?" Casey asks, "Ya know he really misses ya."

"I don't think I'm ready for his constant chatter." I say, jokingly, with a small smile, "Well, I'll go talk to April now." I slowly walk to the kitchen and peek my head inside. Sure enough, all three of them are there. "April?" I call. I watch her turn towards me before I feel Caden ram into me and start hugging me, The cat I'm still holding hisses in protest and starts struggling again.

"Leo! You're here!" Caden says.

"Caden," April says as she frees me from his grasp.

"Come on, Caden!" Annie says, "Let's finish making the cookies!"

"But-!" Caden starts to protest, but Annie's already dragging him away.

"So what happened to the cat?" April asks me.

"I don't know," I say, "I found it like this."

"Come," She says as she leads me out of the kitchen and over to the couch. "Casey, up!" She orders.

"I'll be over there," Casey mutters before he moves off the couch and walks away. April indicates for me to sit and I do so as she sits down as far from me as she can manage on the small couch.

"Lay the cat down between us." She says. Before I obey, I soothe the still frisky cat with that same Japanese lullaby. I catch April watching me and I awkwardly set the cat down. "You have a good voice." She says, blinking.

"Th-thanks…" I say as I look away from her and down at the cat.

"What song was that?"

"Just something sensei used to sing to us when we were younger. It doesn't sound the same in English." I say, "So, the cat? Do you think you can help it?"

"I hope so," She says as she un-wraps her arms around herself and reaches over to touch the cat. "I'll have to see the injury," She says as she removes my mask from around the cat's torso and examines the wound. "It looks like it was shot."

"Really?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah," She says, "I'm surprised its- I mean she's- still alive."

"So it's female."

"Yep and I think she's had kittens recently."

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**Author's end note:** Leo's POV is long, isn't it... I think I got a little carried away when my writer's block broke all of a sudden... Anyway, what do you guys think? Please review! I might post again soon if I can manage it!


	6. Searching

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**Author's note:** I've been holding this chapter for a while. Writer's block's got its ugly hold on me and won't let go. I know what will happen next, but who's POV it will be and how it will be writen is what is really troubling me. I don't really like how this chapter came out to bare with it. Mikey's onna seem kinda crazy to Raph in this chapter but not to you readers who know what it really going on. I drew a cover page for this and uploaded it into my deviantart account under "Donnysgirl" if you want to see it. I'll make a link to it in my profile as soon as possible. While I shouldn't keep you for too long so.... read on!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the turtles & company. My OCs and the plot are mine though.

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Raph's POV:

I watch Mikey as he cowers slightly from my gaze almost guiltily. I slowly approach him and sit down next to him on his bed. "Who's Henry?" I ask.

"No one," Mikey says as he turns away from me.

"I think I remember hearin' dat name before…" I say, slowly.

"No you didn't." Mikey says, firmly. I look over at him as he stares at me with his big blue eyes. _Why is he hiding something from me?_

"Mikey," I say as I place my arm around his shoulder. "Yer my little brother; I know yer not sayin' sum'thin'. What is it?"

"It's nothing, really Raphie," He says. I know he only calls me by that horrid childhood nickname when he's scared or upset. I rub the back of his shell as I think about what to say next.

"Mikey," I say, "I can tell ya don't feel like talkin' 'bout it right now, so I won't force ya to. Ya gotta tell me though. When ya feel up ta it, you'll tell me, right?"

"Yeah," He says, warily. Only then do I remember where I heard the name Henry.

"Hey, Henry was da name a' dat skeleton in the trench, right?" I ask, "Ya called it 'Henry the Skeleton'. Now I remember. It was in yer first message on da wall a' dat trench." I watch as Mikey's fist suddenly clenches and he mutters something under his breath I can't quite catch.

"What waz dat?" I ask. Mikey slowly unclenches his fist before he answers.

"Nothing," He says. I can hear a touch of anger in his voice I've never heard there before. It's rare when Mikey gets mad and I can tell his never been this mad before.

April's POV:

Leo doesn't stay long and I didn't expect him to. He left to search for the injured cat's kittens. With him gone, I pick up the cat and look over at Casey. "Can you do me a favor?" I ask him.

"Whateva ya need," He says as he slowly walks over to me almost tentatively.

"Could you take her to a vet?" I ask as I pet the cat in my arms. "She'd be better taken care of there."

"Are ya still scared ta go out?" He asks, "Ya know I'll be there fer ya. We can go tagether if it'll make ya more comfortable."

"I'm not scared, Casey," I lie, "I have to stay here with Caden and Annie." I turn away from him so he won't notice my struggle against my tears.

"April," Casey sighs behind me, "Yer not makin' this any easier. I'll take da cat, alright? Hand it over and I'll take it ta da vet alone."

"She's not an 'it'!" I snap at him, "She's a female and a mother at that!"

"Sorry babe!" Casey says and I can almost see him holding up his arms submissively, "I'll take 'her' to da vet, okay?" I turn to face him and hand over the cat.

"Here," I say, "Be careful with her. I didn't take the bullet out yet in case it only made the injury worse, so hurry."

"Got it," He says as he takes the cat out of my arms and leaves the room. As soon as I know he's gone, I fall back into the couch, wrap my arms around my torso, and bring my knees up to my chest. I don't know what to feel anymore. I know Casey's trying to help, but it's just not working. I don't know how to accept his help. It's already a strange idea coming from him. I feel so vulnerable and invaded. I just want to forget everything that happened, but I can't. How can I go on living like this? I can't even step outside my front door anymore! The shop's closed until I can get back to running it again and I don't know when that will be. What if it never reopens?

"April?" I hear Annie tentatively ask. I quickly wipe away any tears and look up at her. "Oh April!" She says, "It's alright!" She wraps her arms around me and I absently brush my fingers through her thin brown hair. The aroma of cookies fills the room as I unwillingly allow my legs to fall back over the edge of the couch.

"April?" Caden asks as he peeks his head out of the kitchen towards us. "Are the cookies done yet?"

"Caden!" Annie says, "I told you to stay in the kitchen!"

"I am in the kitchen!" He says back as he folds his arms comically across his chest. Annie rolls her eyes and turns back towards me murmuring "Boys!" under her breath.

"Are you alright now, April?" She asks me.

"Yeah," I say, slowly, "I'm fine. I bet the cookies are done right now."

"URECKA!" Caden yells as he punches the air with his fist.

"Really?" Annie asks.

"Let me go check first." I say as I get to my feet.

"Maybe we can give some ta tha guys too!" Caden says, "Maybe it'll help them ya know?"

"Maybe," I say.

Mikey's POV:

I hate Henry! Why did he have to say that about Raph? After my brother had figured out where Henry came from, Henry had sarcastically said, "Why isn't he intelligent? It took him long enough!" I had told him to shut up, but he only laughed! I hate him so much right now. He has no right to dis my bros like that! What was he thinking?! Ugh! I didn't even hear Raph leave after that. I wasn't paying attention to him. Henry appears in that chair of his again and I get to my feet, glaring at him. "I hate you!" I say.

"_You won't think that for long,"_ He says, _"Soon you'll see it my way. I'm only thinking about what's best for us. These animals you call family are only hindering your true potential. You don't need them."_

"They're NOT animals!" I yell, "They're my family!"

"_They don't understand you. You can go so far if you just leave them. I will be there to support you. I am your only friend here. No one else cares about you the way I do."_

"Be gone!" I say as I turn away from him.

"You'll see my way soon enough, Michelangelo."

Raph's POV:

I lean against the counter in the kitchen staring back the way I came. I'm really starting to worry about my baby brother. I can tell something's up, I just don't know what it is yet. Maybe I can do something for him. I turn, walk towards the fridge, and look inside. There's some frozen pizza in the freezer. I take that out and set it on the counter. Since it's only a plain pepperoni, I decide to spice it up a little. I take out most of Mike's favorite toppings and set them on the counter as well. Some of them have to be chopped up first and I have to force myself to pick up the kitchen knife. With the handle clenched tight in my hand, I stare at the sharp blade. _I remember the feeling as sharp blades cut into my skin. I remember how my heart felt as practically pounded out of my chest. I remember the feeling of my blood bubbling out of each new cut added to my skin._ I quickly squeeze my eyes shut against the memories and shake the images away, dropping the knife onto the counter in the process. I hate this. Why can't I just forget?

As soon as I manage to get a grip on myself, I open my eyes again and glare at the knife. I won't let these memories control my life. It's time to try again. I pick the knife, slower this time, and prepare myself against any more unwanted memories. After a few minutes pass and nothing happens, I begin to prepare the toppings. I'm careful to only allow my mind to pay attention to the chore.

When that's done, I place the pizza in the oven and set the timer to the specified time. I don't want to end up burning it after all that work. I really need to work on getting rid of that stupid fear. I can't allow it to get to me like this.

Leo's POV:

I find the alley, again, where I found the cat and begin looking for any sign of kittens. It's likely chance they will be in this area. The mother cat did look like she could have been protecting something now that I think about it. The cat had left a trail of blood leading to the end of the alley. A box had been tipped onto its side and that's where I found them. There were four of them all curled up next to one another. One was all orange, one orange and white stripped, one just had a white underside while the rest was orange and the last was the only one with white paws while the rest of it was orange.

As I kneel down for a closer look, the all orange kitten's ear twitches and lifts its head towards me. With a small meow it tilts its head to the side before detangling itself from its siblings. The one with the white underside reaches sleepily for it and the first briefly looks back it before placing a paw in front of its siblings and looking over at me. With another choked meow, it now stands completely in front of the other three. The one with white paws wakes up and bites the all-orange one's tail, pulling it back. The one with the white underside finally wakes up fully and watches its siblings for a while before it notices me. Then it hops around the two of them and slowly approaches me. Both siblings instantly stop wrestling and look over at the half-white one. One of them even cried out for it.

I slowly reach out for it as it just stares at me, tilting its head every now and then and meowing curiously. By now the last kitten has awakened and I can see its watching me as I pick up its sibling. The two wrestling siblings instantly pounce on me and I quickly place the half-white one onto my shoulder where it stayed as I grab the other two. I walk up to the stripped kitten who still hasn't moved yet and I instantly notice a few things: it is smaller then the rest and it looks like it could be injured due to the small amount of blood it's laying in. It tries to stand at my approach, but only collapses back onto the ground with a weak meow. The two kittens I'm holding in each hand struggle against my hold and the one my shoulder hops off to walk over to the injured kitten and starts nestling it with its head. I set the two kittens in my hands onto the ground and reach over to pick up the injured one. It meows weakly again as I look at it. I turn the box I found them in right side up and place all four of the kittens inside. Now I have to figure out what to do with them.

Mikey's POV:

The aroma of pizza precedes my brother into my room. I don't turn around as I sense him approach and sit down next to me on my bed, setting the pizza between us. I turn to look down at the pizza and recognize most of my favorite toppings. I grunt before turning back towards the wall.

"Mikey," Raph says, "Ya want any? I made it fer da two of us."

"So Donny's not gettin' any?" I ask

"He's locked 'imself in his room. I don't think he's gonna let me in anytime soon." Raph sighs and I finally look up into his eyes. "I wanna talk ta ya, Mike." He continues, "Sum'thin's up wit'cha. What is it?"

"Please stop asking me that." I say, "Didja really make this for me?" I ask as I detach a slice of the pizza from the rest and sit up straighter.

"Yeah," Raph says as he rubs the back of his neck. A sure sign he's feeling a little awkward about my change of subject.

"I'm surprised Raph." I say, smiling slightly, "This is new."

"I thought it might make ya feel better," He says.

"_Yeah, nice peace offering."_ Henry says and I just know he's rolling his sightless eyes without even looking at him, _"He's obviously just trying to distract you so he can laugh at your stupidity."_

"Shut up!" I yell as I turn to where I know he's sitting.

"Huh? Mikey?" Raph asks.

"I wasn't talking to you, Raph," I say, still glaring at Henry.

"Then who where ya talkin' to?" Raph asks me.

"No one," I say, quickly.

"_Yeah, that's right,"_ Henry says, _"Lie to him. You'll just make yourself seem crazier."_

"You're the crazy one," I tell him.

"_Just look at yourself, Michelangelo,"_ Henry says, laughing, _"Look at that buffoon of a brother of yours! The one thing Raphael does seem to get is your idiocies."_

"I'll kill you, Henry, if you say stuff like that again!" I yell as I jump to my feet. Henry just laughs. Raph steps in front of me then and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"Mikey," He says, "Henry is not in this room. He's probably still rottin' in dat trench. Maybe he even got blown ta bits when Don blew da place up!"

"_That's all he knows."_ Henry says with a dismissive wave of his wrist, _"It's not like he can hear or see me, but you know I'm really here, Michelangelo. I'm apart of you; a projection of your inner feelings. Raphael is just too stupid and simple minded to understand this."_

"No way," I say.

"Just calm down, alright Mikey?" Raph says, "Ev'rythin's gonna be fine."

"_He is really such a useless creature."_ Henry comments, _"I don't even understand how he is still living. He should be dead along with all the other hotheaded ignoramuses before him."_

"SHUT UP!" I yell as I cover my ears. Henry and Raph had started talking over each other and it was starting to give me headache. "SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" I push Raph out of my way and run out of my room.

Raph's POV:

I watch as Mikey runs out of the room. Again, for the second time today in only a few hours, I had been knocked to the ground. First Leo and now Mike? What's going on? Was he really talking to Henry? Was Henry just a skeleton or was he something more? An hallucination maybe? I'll have to ask Don about that…if he ever talks to me again…

I don't stay on the ground for long. I quickly jump to my feet and run out of the room after my youngest brother. At the entrance to our lair, I almost run into Casey and Caden. In Casey's hands is a plate of cookies and I stop running for a second to look at them.

"April said ta bring these over." Casey says, noticing where I'm looking, "What's up with Mikey?"

"Didja see 'im run outta da lair?" I ask.

"Yeah. He looked upset." He answers, "What happened?"

"There's no time ta explain. I hafta talk ta 'im." I say before grabbing most of the cookies off the plate, sticking them in a bag in my belt, and grabbing my sais off the table. I always remove them when I'm in the lair. "Get Donny ta eat sum'thin. He hasn't had anythin' since he woke up dis mornin'. And save some a' dose cookies fer 'im. He's locked 'imself in his room."

"Sure thing, man," Casey says before I run out of the lair after Mikey.

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**Author's note: **Raph's POV _may_ continue on into the next chapter, but here's where writing this fic gets difficult. Please review so I now it's good enough for ya!


	7. The Talk

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**Author's note:** Here's the chapter I've been holding from ya. It's only Raph and Leo but since Leo's is so long, there wasn't anything I could do about that. Raph's part is old. I was stuck on Leo's for the longest time!

**Disclaimer:** As previous chapters have stated...I don't own 'em...

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Raph's POV con:

I find Mikey easily. He didn't go too far. He seems to be talking to himself; to Henry. I really have to talk to Don about that… I decide not to interrupt yet. Maybe I can find out what's been bothering my little brother. Of course only hearing half of a conversation soon convinces me to just ask him myself.

"Mikey?" I call out to him. He turns towards me in a start.

"Raph? How…" He stutters, "How much did you…?"

"Enough," I sigh. I walk over and sit down next to him. "Is Henry here now? Or is he gone?" Mikey quickly looks away before responding.

"No. Not here. Never was." He says. I look at him with a quirked brow and he explains, "I only actually see him in my room. He's just a voice otherwise."

"When didja start seein' 'im?" I ask next.

"Just…just today after your fight with Donny." He says. I can tell he's getting a little defensive.

"Mikey, will ya let me help you?" I ask.

"I really don't wanna talk about it, Raph," He says, "Henry's my problem."

"How 'bout we take a walk then?" I ask, "Casey brought ova dessert." I pull out the bag of cookies and pull out a few to give to him. "April made 'em so they should be good."

"Sure they are…" Mikey says before tossing one whole into his open mouth. "Surprised your sharing though…"

"Yeah well, jus' don't expect it ta happen again." I say with a smirk, "I told Case ta give Don some so ya don't hafta start yellin' at me fer that."

"Good, he needs a snack." He says, "Might loosen him up a little."

"Hopefully," I agree. By now we've reached Central Park. I walk over to the edgs of the roof and look down, scanning the ground below.

"Hey, 'zat Leo?" Mikey asks as he indicates an alley off of the park below the building we're standing on. I look down and nod.

"It sure is," I say, "Ya wanna talk ta 'im with me?"

"I guess." He says.

Leo's POV:

I just got back after dropping the kittens off at April's. Two visits to her place in only one day is more than I thought I could ever manage. At least this time Caden wasn't there. I sit down against the alley wall as I stare up at the dark, star-less sky. There really isn't any point to hiding from my memories. There are too many reminders. The Foot Insignia we were all branded with that first day three months ago is one of the most prominent. I know I'm the only one that really did nothing about that black mark burned into my shoulder. It's a constant testament to my failure; a permanent reminder. I deserve to be reminded. I deserve these nightmares plaguing my sleep every night. I am a failure.

"Leo?" I hear Raph call out to me and I abruptly turn to him in a start. I didn't even notice they were there until now. I barely even acknowledge Mikey hovering behind him. I just watch Raph as he continues, "We need ta talk."

"No, we don't," I say, "Just leave me alone."

"I can't do that," Raph says, "Not now. We needja bro. Ya can't hide fer eva."

"Who says I'm hiding?" I ask, hesitantly as my eyes skirt around, subconsciously already searching for a way out. Raph raises a brow at me as he folds his arms over his plastron and leans back a little suggestively. "I…I just can't talk right now. Some other time maybe?" The urge to get away is strong. I struggle against it only to keep a shard of my dignity intact. I can't show my cowardice again. I can't take this!

"Leo, there is no later," Raph says, "We gotta talk about this now! The whole family's fallin' apart wit'outcha! Don won't talk ta me fer a minute and he don't listen either! From what I can tell, you can talk ta him easy!"

"No," I say, shaking my head at the thought, "He can talk to me. That's all."

"Ya still know betta than I do on how ta deal wit' 'im and how he's actin'." Raph says. He sounds way more mellow than he use to be. It's almost as if he had inherited my old personality with the title of leader. It's strange how moments like this can really bring out the responsibility needed for the team. If I didn't feel so trapped right now, I'd might say something about that. As it is, 'm barely managing to keep my feet planted on the ground and I still haven't found my opening yet.

"How is he acting?" I ask, curiosity getting the best of me. Something tells me that by asking, I just proved how out of sorts I've been recently. I have no idea what's happening at the lair – or outside it – because I'm so preoccupied with my own thoughts and failures. My head's so stuffed up, I can't even sense their distress anymore like I used to. I'm so cut off from them…just as I deserve.

Before I can even get my answer, I already lost the desire to know. It's not my problem anymore. It's Raph's. A twinge of – what? Guilt? Pity? I don't know… – causes me to wince and I look down at the ground directly in front of me.

"Don's been actin' completely opposite his character," Raph answers me, "Even though he's started actin' like me, I still can't get though ta 'im. I think yer the only one who can at this point."

I start shaking my head, slowly. I do remember the anger in Don's voice as he spoke of his experience in Shredder's slave camp. I didn't expect him to ever get as reckless as Raph. It doesn't seem possible. Then I remember how much I've changed. Maybe it is possible, but I don't know how Raph expects me to do something about it. I'll just fail again as I always have. I am nothing.

"Leo," Raph says, soothingly. The tone is so bizarre, I look up at him instantly with only my eyes. "Ya gotta stop doin' this shit. Ya gotta start takin' responsibility."

"Don't." I say with my eyes narrowed. Raph doesn't need to remind me of my flaws. They haunt me all day and night already. Raph lets out an irritable grunt and there's a brief silence between us as he tries to think of a new approach. I would've smiled at the irony if I could. He doesn't know how to deal with me like this and that's obvious. This whole conversation's in reverse.

"Alright," Raph starts again, "Have ya seen Masta Splin'er recently?"

"Yes," I say as I turn away, already knowing where this is going. Raph looks momentarily surprised at my answer and I decide to enlighten him. "He stayed up to tell me about Donny last night."

"Oh," Raph says before quickly continuing, "Well he's gotten real bad recently. He rarely comes outta his room and when he does, he's mostly relying on dat cane o' his ta walk. I don't think he'll eva get ova what they did ta 'im. He's old, Leo, and it's gettin' real easy ta see it now."

"What do you want me to do about it?" I ask, wearily. I'm torn now. My worry for my father is strong, but I still can't face my family; not now. I clench my fists in agitation. I want out now! But this alley's a dead end. Raph's blocking the only exit and I know if I run now, he'll catch me. I feel like a trapped animal and, at that thought, my fingers suddenly itch for my katanas. The betraying though shocked me but not enough for a visible reaction.

"I just wantcha ta take up yer role of leader again." Raph says. His voice is almost pleading. I can't look at him as I respond.

"I can't do that Raph," I say. My voice sounds strained to my ears, "I can't. I…I'm not ready…"

"Ya know what?" Raph asks, "This may be easier if Mike wasn't havin' troubles too. Ya know he's seein' and talkin' wit' this guy Henry who ain't really there? He's sum' hallucination 'r sum'thin', but I may neva find out if Don won't talk ta me. Ya see my problem?"

"I'm sorry Raph!" I say in exasperation. "I can't! I really can't go back to that life! I…I have too many demons myself that I must conquer alone." At this, I turn completely away from Raph. Maybe he'll understand now. How can I help my family when I'm so messed up myself? I wouldn't know where to start…

"Listen," Raph says, slowly, "I know that ya have sum' things ta work out too, but I also know ya ain't even tried ta fix it yerself. Ya can't see whatcher problem is when yer tha one goin' through it. Ya need our help wit' that as much as we need you."

"No," I mutter almost inaudibly. I can't deny it. Raph's making a lot of sense here, but I can't accept their help. I'm too far gone. They'd never reach me. Even as I think this, I'm proven wrong. Maybe they can help. They just have to get past my pride first…

"Ya know I'm right," Raph says, "I don't say this often enough, but as a family, we hafta be there fer each other. Ya can't just decide ya can handle this yerself 'cuz ya really can't. None of us can. Ev'rythin' we do is easier tagether."

My fist clenches as I think about what Raph just said. What he's saying…I can't shake his logic, but can I really ever be normal again? It's so hard… Every day I get worse. I'm getting dragged into an endless loop that's just getting stretched tighter until I snap. I don't want to get to that point, but if I try to live normally…. will I ever be able to handle the tension trying to pull me back into my loop? I can feel it even know as I face away from Raph. The need to escape had diminished but the tension's stronger then ever. Can I really go back to how life was before Shredder ruined it?

"Hey, where's Mikey go?" I hear Raph ask and I slowly turn back around to face him. I almost forgot Mikey was ever there, but now he's definitely gone. Raph cursed as he backtracked to look around for our missing brother. The thought strikes me that this could be the perfect moment to make my escape, but it's quiet compared to the rising worry. I slowly recall all of what Raph had said about Mikey's demons: the troublesome hallucinatory figure Henry that I never heard about until now. I know if Mikey's having hallucinations, then he's really in trouble. Especially if he starts thinking Henry's real enough. Now knowing very little about my youngest brother's post-traumatic stress symptoms grates on my own well-being.

"Why would he run off like that?" I ask to confirm my own misinformed thoughts.

"I don't know," Raph says after a minute of bewildered surprise at my interest. "He ran b'fore. That's why we're out here anyway. I think Henry's got 'im confused and ticked. He's…well…unstable right now…" He rubs the back of his neck guiltily, but I don't care to acknowledge it.

"We should go and find him then." I say without thinking. This surprises Raph as well and I catch him smile a bit at the pronoun I used.

"Yeah _we_ should. Come on!" He says, grabbing my wrist, obviously worried I may change my mind. He didn't have to worry. I'm on autopilot. There's no time to think when I brother could be in danger…and I know he's in danger. It's been a long time since I felt it, but the familiar tingle down the back of my neck tells me we have to hurry…

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**Author's end note:** Please review. I may post the next chapter tonight too if I can finish it (and if it's long enough yet).


	8. Mikey's fate and Donny's punchout

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**Author's note:** Well, due to technical issues with my internet getting cut off, I only just got this finished. So here it is. I figure with two months of putting up with almost regular electricution that the guys have built up some resistance to it. This first POV may make you mad but Donny's may make up for it. It's long and one of my favorite scenes occures in it. Hmmm....Maybe Don's POV in this chapter is as long as Leo's in the chapter prior?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the turtles & company but I own the plot and the OCs.

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Mikey's POV:

I had hoped when Raph started talking with Leo that I'd finally get my chance to be on my own for a bit. It didn't even take long before I see my opening. Raph's way too busy lecturing Leo to notice me leaving his side. It's easier to be alone in case Henry starts talking again. I don't want seem crazy to my brothers. Raph's already found out and now he thinks I'm nuts. I can't let him see me like that again.

I do remember to stick to the shadows like a good ninja. The sun's still out so it's more dangerous to be out here. I feel Henry's presence with me, but I don't acknowledge him. He's not worth my time right now. He's the cause of all this mess I've been dumped in. He's the one messing with my mind and making me seem crazy.

I hear Henry scoff indignantly at that thought, but I continue to give him the cold shoulder. He deserves it with all he's done to me. _"Michelangelo!"_ Henry calls suddenly, but I ignore him, What he has to say doesn't concern me right now. "_Michelangelo! Pay attention!"_

"Go away," I mutter with my head bowed.

"_Michelangelo!"_ Henry yells again and I stop only because his presence seems right in front of me. I feel him push against my left side. As I fall sideways, I hear a sound like a gust of wide and a sharp, burning pain flies across my shoulder before Henry's push has me on the ground. I sit up and reach for my shoulder, wincing as my hand touches blood. I look up and, for the first time, notice the men in black suits surrounding me. Most likely these are Bishop's goons.

"_I tried to warn you,"_ Henry says, sneering somewhere to my left. I would have told him to shut up but with the suits surrounding me with guns and my aching shoulder, I didn't. The pain is all I can think about at first until I notice the suits advance. Only then I am able to get to my feet and grad one of my nunchukus with my right hand. I start spinning it, hoping that the motion will help me focus a little better.

"Put your weapon down!" One of the suits yell as he aims his gun at me.

"Make me," I growl, trying hard to keep the pain out of my voice.

"_Kill them all, Michelangelo,"_ Henry says, _"Teach them not to mess with us!"_

Before I know it, I'm flipping over the suits and wipe my 'chuck at the back of their heads. Three fall easily, but one turns and I have to move again. The pain in my shoulder almost disappears as adrenaline kicks in full force. I'm fighting one handed and I'm still kicking major shell!

My adrenaline-induced euphoria doesn't last long however. I may be fast, but I'm lucky to have dodged all those bullets. Right now, it seems my luck has just run out. I collapse instantly as I feel a bullet dig a path into my leg. I breathe heavily, trying to think past the pain. I slowly try to get back to my feet, but almost collapse again. The bullet's still in my leg. I can feel it there and the pain's worse then the graze on my shoulder.

"Stay down, mutant!" I hear the culprit say. I narrow my eyes at him before pouncing towards him. I hardly make it before I find myself forced to the side mid-jump entangled in a net. Before I can even think about struggling against it, intense fire shots through my body. It's sad to say that I'm actually used to the electrical surge enough for it not to effect me too much. I'm still able to notice Bishop as he approaches me.

"Good night, Michelangelo," he says before the burning fire increases enough to finally knock me out.

Raph's POV:

I run through the alleys, sticking close to the shadows with my hand still grasping Leo, forcing him to follow. I can tell he's as worried as I am right now. Maybe because he doesn't know that much about it and this is his way to repent. It doesn't matter as long as he's finally participating in our life now. I am never gonna want Leo's job after this. It's way too much trouble.

The next alley we check gives me chills. There's blood on the ground and walls. There's even some splattered and smeared along the dumpster. I step further into the alley and look around, stunned.

"What happened here?" Leo mutters aloud and only then do I realize I've let him go. I turn to find him standing to the other side of the alley. As I watch, he squats down to pick something up off the ground.

"Whaddaya got there, Leo?" I ask as I walk over.

"A gun," He says as he shows it to me. "Government issue I believe. It looks like Mikey ran into Bishop's men."

"Why now?" I ask as I turn to look down the alley. "Mikey's not ready fer this shit yet. This might jus' push 'im ova tha edge."

"…Then we'll have to find him before that happens," Leo says after a slight pause. I glance back at him and manage to catch his clenched fist and tense posture before he's able to relax. "We'll need to get Don's help." The last is said as he looks at me and I nod, pulling my shell cell out and handing it to him. At Leo's confused look, I explain.

"He won't listen to a single word I say if he finds out its me callin' 'im. He may not even pick up if he sees tha caller ID but at least there's a betta chance of it." I really hate not being able to talk to my younger brother. He's the one brother I never though I couldn't talk to. Having to tell Leo about Don's hatred of me is definitely not something a practically enjoy, but he had to understand.

Leo nods as he takes the cell and presses the speed dial to call Don himself. As he does that, I wander over to the blood-splattered wall. Laying my hand on it, I bow my head. _We'll save ya Mikey. I promise._

Donny's POV:

Ever since I kicked Raph out of my room hours ago, I've been lying on my bed just staring at the ceiling. I tried to sit up for a few minutes but I started to get real light-headed. I also feel nauseated but that can easily be ignored compared to my intense anger. It wasn't long until I hear a hesitant knock upon my door. I glance at my clock out of reflex. Well it didn't seem that long at any rate but apparently it's been a good five hours. I ignore the knocker at first and just lay my pillow over my head to muffle to noise.

"Hey Don?" I hear Casey's voice as the knocking continues. I lift the pillow a little off my face and glare at the door. Maybe he'll go away?

"Donny!" He yells, "I got ya sum'thin' ta eat, buddy! Come on and open da door!" I sigh, miserably. I guess not. Well what was I expecting? This is Casey Jones, Master of Bad-Timing. He never goes when you want him too and he always appear when you'd rather be left alone. Now for instance… I let the pillow drop over my face again and groan.

"Don, I know yer in there," He says through the door, "Raph told me you've locked yerself in there. Jus' let me in!" Wrong thing to say, Case. I had just been about to give up and open my door just to tell him to go away, but at Raph's name, I'm back to stubbornly hiding under my pillow.

"I'm not leaving 'til this door's open." He threatens me. I barely lift the pillow just to yell at him.

"Go away, Jones!" I growl before reapplying the pillow. Maybe I can suffocate myself into unconsciousness so I don't have to hear him. Well it's worth the thought anyway. I can't believe I got my shell handed to me by a couple of uneducated gangsters! I would've been better off if Cliff had let me die after Hun nearly killed me back at the slave camps!

"Donny?" I hear a new voice say. Caden? What's he doing here? I thought April was taking care of him while I was recovering. I guess he came with Casey… "It's not cool ta jus' stay in your room all day like some little kid 'r sum'thin'! Ya gotta get up and movin'!"

"I can't!" I snap towards the door, "I just had a real bad day today and I don't need company!"

"I'll let Caden bash this door in if ya don't open it."

"It's reinforced steel. I'd like to see him try." Casey muttered something that sounded like, "Paranoid geek."

"It's my room," I mutter under my breath. Why can't anyone allow a turtle to fume in peace?

"Do ya really wanna miss out on April's cooking?" Caden asked, "I've been waitin' ta have my share all day!"

"Why'd she make cookies?" I ask, slowly removing the pillow. I didn't think she was in the baking mood since she was raped by that guard in the slave camps…

"She was hopin' ta cheer everyone up a bit," Casey says, eagerly, "Includin' 'erself."

Without realizing what I'm doing, I've crossed my room and flipped the lock to open the door. I lean against the doorframe wearily as I look at each of my visitors. Casey's holding the plate of cookies and I see Caden has a half-gone pizza on a plate in his hands. The toppings I notice to be mostly Mikey's favorites. I wonder how there could still be some left if that was the case. I grab a cookie off the plate before limping down the stairs. Casey quickly steps up to help but I hold my hand up to stop him. He gets the message but I can see him still eyeing me worriedly. I know if I stumble too much, he'll be ready to catch me with or without my permission.

As soon as I reach the couch, I slump down into it only to regret the quick motion. "Ugh," I groan as I hold my head a bit before slowly lying down. Propping myself up on my elbows, I take a slice of the offered pizza. "Where's Mikey?" I ask, staring down at it before biting into it.

"He ran out of da lair as we came in," Casey informs me, "Raph went after 'im so otha than Splin'er, we're da only ones here."

"Why would Mikey run out like that?" I ask aloud, not really expecting an answer.

"Don't know," Caden says, "But da dude looked like he wanted ta get away fast fer sum' reason."

"Maybe _he_ had something to do with it," I mutter darkly.

"If yer talkin' 'bout Raph," Casey says with a glare, "He was tryin' ta help Mike. That's all he's been doin' fer da past month. He's gotta lot on his plate right now and he don't need ya on his back 'bout it!" I never heard Casey get so riled up like that. He's like Mikey in that way I guess. I look at him with wide eyes and a gaping mouth before I can form a response.

"I wouldn't be if he didn't meddle in my business," I say with narrowed eyes.

"He's worried 'boutcha jus' like he's worried 'bout everyone else. Give da guy a break. He's not used ta takin' care of ya all."

"Then he should step back. If he can't handle it, he should stop trying."

"Who else can? Leo's not here ta take the baton back, Don!"

"Then he should let me do it! I can take care of this family better than he can!" At this, I find myself standing inches in front of Casey. Considering he's a good foot taller than me, that position's less than threatening. But then I'm a ninja he's just a lowly punk brawler. Even if I am injured I could take him any day!

…Unless of course not if I don't see his attack coming… I find myself sprawled on my carapace moments later without any knowledge of how I got there except the slowly forming bruise over my left eye making it difficult to see. I gently touch the area and notice the small forming bump with a drop of blood leaking from it. Did Casey just…punch me? My eyes – or eye now as I definitely can't see through my left thanks to the bruising – find Casey glaring down at me still clenching his fist and shaking with radiating rage. It's actually quite scary to be honest…

"I'm done talkin' ta ya, _Don_," Casey growls, "Ya hear me? I'm _DONE!_ If yer not even gonna _TRY_ ta be reasonable and use that overlarge brain of yers ta see this from Raph's point o' view, then I'm through tryin' ta be friendly. _GOOD. BYE!"_ With that, he storms across the lair and slams the lair door closed behind him. I stare after him, still stunned by the proceedings. When my shell cell rings some minutes later, I don't even notice it until the third or forth ring. I don't even take the time to check the caller ID as I answer it and hold it to my ear.

"Donny?" I hear Leo ask. My eyes widen even more as his voice snaps me out of my stunned stupor. I clench the cell tight with both hands as if scared his voice will go away.

"Leo? What-" I say before I'm cut off.

"Just listen." He says in a tone I recognize so well that I can't interrupt. "Mikey's been captured by Bishop. We need to formulate a plan for his rescue."

"Does this mean you're back?" I ask in shock.

"…I don't know, Donny," He says after a brief pause, "I just need to get Mikey back home safe. I may not be ready for anything more yet…"

"I miss you," I whisper too low to carry over the phone before adding louder. "I'll get the Battle Shell."

"Good," He says before quickly rattling off his location. "See you there."

After he hangs up, I whisper, "It's so good to hear you say that, bro…"

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**Author's end note:** So you see? My fav scene is when Casey sticks up for Raph and punches Donny. I didn't know that was going to happen. I was as surprised as Don there! I guess Donny really ticked Casey off! Please review! I'll try to get this next chappy up when I can!


	9. Losing himself

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**Author's note:** Here's the next chapter...with a nice added cliffhanger as well. :D You guys get to read my fav mini-argument between Raph and Don! Three Mikey POVs in this. No Raph though. Just one each of Leo, Don, and Casey. I hope you enjoy it. I had fun writing it. In fact, if I get this next chapter done today, you may have two chap's from me! ^.^ I'm at a good part. I hope to finish it for you.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned them, I'd have three mad brothers and an angry father out to get me! O.O I don't own them. I just own the plot...and Henry, Joe, Caden, Annie...well that's all the ones who appear in name or in person so...yeah.

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Mikey's POV:

When I come to, all I can see clearly is Henry. I notice he doesn't look like a skeleton anymore. Instead, he looks more like a teenage boy. Other then his blood red eyes, he is more mist than solid. This scares me slightly as I know that must mean he's stronger now. He nods at that thought before looking around the place.

"_It seems you are really going to need me now,"_ He says, _"Bishop is a real piece of work. You know, if you had listened to me in the first place, none of this would've happened."_

"Shut up," I mutter low and dark. I try to move, but I find myself bound to one of Bishop's examining tables. I can't move at all! Bishop really doesn't want me escaping this time. I look around the room, letting my eyes adjust to the dark. Soon the room comes into focus. There's a light pointed at me but it's currently turned off. The rest of the room is dark but I can see a soft orange-y glow coming from cylindrical containers each carrying its own floating fleshy thing. There are about three levels of these containers from what I can see to my right. To my left, everything's shadowed but I think that's where the computer terminals are. I don't see a door so I'm guessing that's somewhere behind me.

"_How's your arm and leg?"_ Henry asks, reminding me of my injuries. I know my pain tolerance has increased as the stinging on my shoulder wound and the area around the bullet still lodged in my leg are only minor distractions. I guess I could thank Shredder for that… I try to look towards these areas, but its difficult with the way I've been bound to the table. I can't even turn my head as there's this leather strap wrapped around my chin prohibiting it. All I can see is the blood on my shoulder.

"_It could have been worse,"_ Henry says smugly, _"The arm's only a graze. If I hadn't of pushed you, there would be a bullet in your arm as well as your leg. You may even have gotten killed!"_

"Yeah, whatever," I mutter with an annoyed roll of my eyes. I don't want to trust him, but he did try his best to help me as I stupidly ignored him and at least I'm not lonely… Henry smiles but doesn't say anything before he vanishes. I look around, startled about to ask where he went when that light over me turns on, blinding me in an instant. I squeeze my eyes shut wishing I could turn away.

"Hello again, Michelangelo," I hear Bishop say, "It's been a while since we've last seen each other." The bright light is disorienting so I can't tell where his voice is coming from but I guess he's right in front of me. I hold back a sharp gasp as his fingers brush against my injured shoulder. "You weren't supposed to get injured," He says, "But at least I still have a live specimen."

"What are you planning to do to me?" I ask, blinking my eyes open a slit so I can see his reaction.

"I'm going to finish what I started the last time you were on that table." He says and I hear the sound of a saw start up. My eyes close tight at that.

"_Michelangelo?"_ I hear Henry's voice say, _"I can help you here. I can guard you against the pain you will feel at the hands of your enemy."_

"No," I mutter. I still can't trust Henry completely. I don't know what he plans to do to me once he takes over again. He doesn't deserve my trust yet.

"_I don't?"_ Henry asks, _"After all I have done for you? You still refuse to trust me? Fine. I'll wait until you call my name, begging me to stop your suffering."_

Oh I can handle the pain. Nothing could be worse than watching Joe's untimely death before my eyes. She didn't deserve to die. She should have escaped with the rest of us. Seeing her die like that…so heartlessly…I can take anything Bishop will throw my way. I've already faced worse. I squint my eyes open to look at Bishop. I dare you to do you worse…

Leo's POV:

The three of us are sitting together in the back of the Battle Shell. I had poisoned myself furthest from them though I hadn't realized it until now. It was more of an unintentional act but by the way Don and Raph are watching me, they had noticed it. There's so much tension here between us and not all of it is my fault. Raph and Donny are also trying to keep as far away from each other as possible. From what I can tell, it's mostly Donny who is against being in Raph's vicinity while Raph's doing it more out of worry of setting Don off. Has their relationship really gotten that bad off in my absence?

"Alright," I say after a long uncomfortable silence, "Donny? Try tracking Mikey's cell signal. It may not get us anywhere as that method has been done before. Bishop may have ditched the cell somewhere or he may use it as bait to lead us into a trap, but it's the only lead we have."

Donny nodded in response before turning in his chair to face the computer consol built into the inside wall of the van. I look over at Raph to see him anxiously moving his foot up and down in his lap. That's the first time I notice he has removed his sais since he's been here. I see them on the table beside him instead. I never knew Raph not to wear his sais especially on a mission like this. He wasn't even twirling them as he usually does when bored or anxious. I know I should ask him about this the next time we're alone together, but the idea barely passes my mind. I don't know if I'll be able to overcome my own anxieties enough to help any of my brothers in their own inner turmoil.

"It's my fault…" I hear Raph mutter under his breath. It was barely audible and I probably wouldn't have heard it at all if I hadn't of been paying so close attention to him.

"No it isn't," I tell him. Raph looks at me in a start. I know he was just thinking out loud and I wasn't meant to hear it but I continue anyway. "It wasn't your fault." I'm leaning towards him as I say this. I hear Don huff negatively and I glance his way with a brow raised.

"Go back to yer computer and keep yer comments to yerself," Raph growls at the back of Donny's head.

"I didn't say anything," Donny stats with a hint of superiority in his voice. He's still typing away and the fact he's not even bothering to acknowledge Raph is a sure way to set off my normally hotheaded brother.

"You were thinking it," Raph says, unusually calm. He actually sounds weary of the upcoming fight.

"Intelligent of you to notice," Don says, snidely.

"Don," Raph growls, warningly.

"Guys?" I ask, hesitantly. It's not often I have to break up a fight between these two. "This really isn't the time…" My voice lacks the usually authority, but it did get both of them to turn towards me. Great, now I feel like a child caught in the crossfire…

"Nothing's going on," Donny says simply. The look in his eyes completely contradicts his words. He looks so spiteful. It's a very un-Don-like look. After a moment, he's eyes lighten and I see him start to lift his hand towards his face before turning away abruptly.

"Ya see what I'm talkin' about?" Raph mouths to me as he points towards Donny. I nod slowly and dispiritedly before looking back at Donny as he types on the keyboard, ignoring us. Before I can even think of something to say, Donny stops typing.

"Found it," He says, "The signal's originating just outside the city."

Mikey's POV:

I try to watch as Bishop unwraps the bandages around my right shoulder and looks at the Foot insignia I know to be burned there. I had covered it up so I wouldn't have to see it. "You worked in the Shredder's slave camps." Bishop asks more as a statement then a question. I'm surprised he knew what the symbol meant but I guess being a government agent and all, he knows things. "You're the reason it was blown to dust I imagine. You and your brothers. That's why you can stand the pain of the net so well. I know you have the lowest pain tolerance of your brothers. Shredder ended up toughening you up. I'm sure that was not his plan. Now I know I won't be needing anesthetics. Not that I was going to use any on you, I wouldn't want to waste my funds, but now I know you can take it."

"I don't say anything after his little speech. I don't need to. I know Bishop's just talking out loud. The table's tilted back so I'm vertical now and Bishop presses down on my injured right leg below the bullet wound. With his other hand, he grabs a scalpel. I know he's going to remove that bullet a second before he starts cutting into my leg. I squeeze my eyes shut tight at this and don't make a sound. I know Henry's close by but he's not talking. I know he's waiting until I finally give up, but I can handle it. This is nothing.

Casey's POV:

The wind blowing through my shaggy black hair as I race my motorcycle between the cars on the streets helps to calm my fury. I know Raph doesn't deserve Don's put-downs. He's been trying so hard this past month. As his best friend, I know his newfound fear of sharp objects; mostly of the knife variety. He doesn't even know I know most likely, but I saw the way he looks at his sais now. He doesn't deserve what Don thinks about him at all. I just hate all of this. The guys are supposed to be back to being inseparable, but instead they're broken up. Why does it have to be like this? They really don't deserve this.

I'm still fuming by the time my shell cell rings. I get my cell out of my pocket without stopping my ride. I flip it open and answer it with one hand and mumble a greeting.

"Hey, Case?" Raph asks over the line, "Ya think ya can help us? Mikey was captured by Bishop and we're gonna get 'im back."

"Is ev'ryone there?" I ask.

"Yeah," He says, "Da three of us are all here."

"Wow, so Leo finally came back?"

"Kinda, yeah," He says, "Ya comin' 'r what?

"Ta 'elp Mike? Of course, man!" I say, "On one condition. Ya guys can take da van, but I'm takin' my 'cycle."

"No prob'em," Raph says with a question in his voice.

"I'm al'eady on it and I don't wanna drop it at April's. I don't wanna worry her, yanno?" I lie. A lie's better then the truth. We'll say it's 'cause I don't want to see Don, but that's only half the reason. That van's cramped. Just thinking about it has me shaking slightly. Now don't think I'm claustrophobic, 'cause I'm not. I just prefer to be out in the open, okay?" Raph gives me his location and I start ridding there. I hope we get there in time. Whatever Bishop has in store for Mikey, it can't be good. If we don't make it, I found my new punching bag…

Don's POV:

What's wrong with me? Why do I turn every conversation with Raph into an argument? I know now that's what I'm doing. Casey's punch showed me that. I guess I have been a jerk lately. Maybe when Hun attempted to smash my head in, it actually messed up with the way I think. I've read that could happen. Maybe that's the reason.

I guess another reason could be I'm angry at Raph because he has to lead us now. I know I'm not able to with this constant rage I feel. And Leo? He looks so different now. Almost…scared and lost. It reminds me of a child actually, even if he tries to hide it from us. I shouldn't resent Leo for walking out on us. I know now why he probably did. He wanted to protect us from seeing him like this: so broken…

Is it my fault Mikey got captured? I know Mikey always hated it when Raph and Leo fought. Maybe my fight with Raph ultimately scared him off? If it is, I'm sorry Mikey. I'll do whatever it takes to save you. I promise if Bishop laid a hand on you and hurt you in any way he will be dead! I'll personally make sure of it! My fist tightens around the steering wheel as I try to keep my speed to a minimum. The streets are slowly emptying of other cars and pedestrians as the sun sets. Soon it will be dark and the perfect time to infiltrate Bishop's base of operations. Mikey's been missing for about one and a half hours. Hopefully that means we still have time.

Mikey's POV:

I lie still, panting slightly, after the bullet's gone. I'm actually glad it's gone now. My leg feels much better, though it still stings a little. My eyes are closed when the sound of that saw starts up again. I open my eyes again to see him holding it right above my plastron. I know usually I'd start struggling now, but instead I just watch him with narrowed eyes. Only when the saw's lowered do I start feeling fear well up in my chest.

"_He's going to cut you open,"_ Henry observes on a careless note. Well thanks for stating the obvious. I know he's going to cut me open. That was his plan all along. No matter how hard I try to deny it, I'm not that brave. I just wish Joe didn't die. She would save me. I know she would.

As soon as I feel the saw cut into my chest, I gasp in pain and try to struggle against my bonds. It hurts and it's more than I can handle for long. I can feel my blood sliding down my plastron. I'm going to die.

"_Will you let me help you?"_ Henry asks, _"Will you allow me to guard you against the pain? I can make you stronger if you let me in. I can make you painless."_

"No…" I moan as I squeeze my eyes shut.

"_Michelangelo,"_ Henry whispers softly, _"You don't need to face this alone. Allow my assistance. I will help you."_

"Please…" I say as I slowly lose my resolve.

"_Just say yes and all your pains will vanish, my friend."_

A tear falls down my face as I whisper my destruction. "Yes…"

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**Author's note:** I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry for the cliffhanger but I realized how much I had typed up and decided to post what I had. Please review!


	10. Fears become realized

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**A/N:** Ummmmm....hi? Ah, sorry, but this is not going to help any cliffhanger-wise. The last two parts are angsty...'specially Mikey's. Um...if you don't like reading about suicidal attempts...it may be hard to read Mikey's POV in this chapter. ...Sorry? I've really gotten into the mind of a suicidal person. Don't hurt me? I've had no experience in my life of any suicide, but I do have a friend who cuts. It's a terrible thing to do to yourself. Those are my views on the subject. It's only my second time writing a fic on the subject and I hope it's writen well. I hope I didn't scare off any of my faithful reviewers with this...

**Disclaimer:** Do you want me to own them with the hell I put them through in this chapter? The guys would kill me! And so would Master Splinter O.O

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Raph's POV:

As soon as Donny skids to a stop, I have the back door open and I jump out, grabbing my sais on the way. I stick them back in my belt as I walk over to Casey when he comes to a stop next to the van. I can tell he looks a little angry but the expression disappears as he looks at me.

"So when are we doing this thing?" Casey asks.

"As soon as we can," Leo says in a low voice as he stares at the high chain fence surrounding the place we suspect Mikey to be held in. "Donny…?" Donny nods from where he's now sitting in front of his computer before he begins disabling the alarms electronically. As soon as he's finished, he makes his way over to us.

"The plan?" Casey asks. Leo doesn't answer. I'm starting to believe he really isn't ready for this. I kinda feel sorry for him.

"I say we take out any in our way." Donny says as he grasps his bo tightly in his fists. I still hat that vicious side of him. It just doesn't fit. I notice Leo glance at him.

"Just don't let them set off an alarm," Leo says, "We don't want our presence known to early." Then he takes a running leap over the fence landing silently on the other side of it just like old times. I follow a second later in time to notice Leo's holding a hand to his bandaged legs.

"Ya alright?" I ask.

"Yeah," He says with a nod as he straightens, "It's nothing." I give him a disbelieving look but don't say anything as Donny and Casey land behind us; Casey being the only one I actually heard. We infiltrate the building through a window thanks to one of Donny's gadgets. Now that we're in, I'm starting to feel a little angst-y. The place has a feel of a lab. The smell adds to the memory of Stockman's infirmary at Shred-head's slave camps. Hopefully I won't end up freaking out anytime soon. I don't want anyone to know I'm still not over it.

As we walk through the halls, men and women alike dressed in either business suite or lab coats walk out of one room and into the next. No one's seen us yet, but Don almost blew our cover a few times when he tried to attack one of them. I hear a noise behind us and I turn just in time to notice we've been spotted. Before the guy could warn someone, Leo comes out of nowhere and knocks him out with a quick punch. As the guy falls limp, Leo slows his decent and lays him against the wall. He turns to us and I know our cover's been blown.

More men and women file out of the rooms and before they could make our presence more clear, we take them out one by one. Not one escapes as we move further into the place. We finally come upon a set of double doors. Donny takes one look through the small square window and confirms that this was the one Mikey was held in. Leo silently informs Donny that he and Casey are to get Mikey while he and I get Bishop. Then he opens the door and we step inside…

I feel like I walked into a nightmare. This room is definitely some kind of lab and I'm instantly frozen in flashbacks. This is why I never went into Don's lab. I just can't stand the memories. I can feel myself shaking slightly. I can't move!

Leo's POV:

When I stepped into the room, the first thing I notice is Mikey's blood dripping onto the floor. I know that much blood isn't good. My first thought is we didn't make it in time. Then my eyes narrow dangerously as I charge Bishop. It's a good thing I did then too because he wasn't exactly out of the shock at seeing us burst in yet so it was easy to knock him away from Mikey with one swift kick. Now the two of us are locked in battle. It didn't even cross my mind that Raph hadn't joined in yet…

Donny's POV:

It takes a minute to organize my thoughts as I watch the saw in Bishop's hands covered in my brother's blood. I just want to rip Bishop apart for hurting him, but that's not my job. Leo told me to help Mikey and my little brother definitely needs me right now. I run forward, glad Leo's got Bishop distracted, and unbuckle Mikey from the table. I pick him up bridal style so his blood won't poor out so easily.

His skin looks pale when I finally take the time to look at him. I set him down in the corner of the room away from the fighting with Casey by my side. I let my duffel bag that I had lung over my shoulder fall with a small thud before ripping it open and grabbing the necessary implements. The saw had cut a vertical line through his plastron from the middle of the top section of his plastron to where his belt would be around his waist. I don't even bother checking for a pulse yet as I begin wrapping the cut in bandages. His injury was too serious for me to take the time. Only when I finished did I check it. Relief folds me when I find it steady if a bit weak.

Suddenly his eyes snap open and I stare at them wide-eyed. His once glimmering blue eyes are now a dull washed-out grey. I can't see a trace of the humor or even the sparkle of fear as I normally would. All I can see is a trace of an angry red.

In my distraction, Mikey jumps to his feet and looks down at me with narrowed eyes. "Thanks Donatello," He says in a strangely hollow voice. That trace of anger in his voice as well. "I'll be leaving now." He turns away and moves to head out the door.

"Wait!" I yell after him as I jump to my feet and grab his arm, "You can't go yet, Mikey! Those bandages are temporary!"

"Oh I know that," Mikey says, still in that odd tone, "I'm not like Michelangelo. My intelligence is much greater. Now if you'd let me go, I won't have to hurt you."

"Mikey?" I ask slowly.

"Don't insult me," He says, "My name's Henry." Then with a quick jerk, he has me flying over his shoulder and slamming into the ground on my carapace. _What the shell is going on?!_

Raph's POV:

Leo running forward finally snaps me out of my annoying episode and I bound forward, finally whipping out my sais without glancing at them. As long as I don't look at them, I'm fine. I reach Bishop where he's manage to back Leo against a wall. I notice Leo was mostly trying to dodge attacks then fighting at this point. I move to punch Bishop with the hilt of my sai held between my fingers, but Bishop merely grabs Leo and throws him at me. I grunt as I fall back with Leo on top of me. Leo scrambles to get off of me and moves away a considerable distance. It seems he still can't handle being too close to us. I ignore this as we both close in for attack. It's slowly growing obvious we're not exactly working as a team, but at least we're managing to push Bishop back now.

Casey's POV:

"What da fuck is wrong wit' 'im?" I ask as I offer a hand to Don. "Who's Henry?"

"The name sounds familiar…" Donny says as he ignores the hand and gets up himself. I follow him after Mikey growing increasingly more confused. I've seen his eyes when he looked at Don. He didn't look like Mikey anymore. I didn't like the look of those eyes.

We follow him to the exit of the building undisturbed. Mikey sure is fast. We couldn't stop for a minute without losing him before he finally turned back to us. "Why don't you stop following me?" Mikey asks in that weird voice of his. "You'd do better to help those fools you call brothers."

"They're your brothers too." Donny growls.

"Wrong again. They're Michelangelo's brothers, not mine." He says, "It seems you're as dumb as they are."

"Come on, Mike. This ain't you man." I say, waving my hands in front of my face.

"You got that right, Casey Jones." Mikey says with an evil smirk. "Seems you're smarter then I thought. You only got one thing wrong: I'm not Michelangelo. How many times do I have to repeat that? Michelangelo is an immature, lazy, weak little child. Compared to me, he is nothing but an ignorant coward. How else would I be here now? He lost and now I am in control."

"Stop saying that!" Donny says in a mixture of a yell and a moan. "Henry is it? Let Mikey out."

"So you get it now?" Mikey asks, "I can't let Mikey out. He's too scared. I'm giving him what he wants: freedom from the pain of living. He won't be coming out."

"You sound so sure," I say, doubtfully.

"I know," He says, "I'm a part of him. The better half you could say."

"If you really are an AP, at least let him come home with us so we can treat him properly. You'll bleed to death if you don't!" Donny pleads.

"I'm better then an alternate personality, Donatello," Mikey – or is it Henry? – says. "I was born from an hallucination. This makes me stronger."

"That's where I remember the name…" Donny mutters, "The skeleton from the trench. I do remember Mikey seemed to be talking to himself after Jona died. Annie said she had heard the guards talking about it. That's where you came from."

"You got it faster than that oaf Raphael did." Mikey says, "Should have known you would. Now you all know."

"Are you going back with us?" Donny asks.

"No," Mikey says, "Why should I? I have no use for a bothersome family like yours. I do not care to undermine myself with your company. Your family is full of ignorant fools that would be better off dead."

"Don't go talkin' shit 'bout them like that!" I yell, "They've gone through enough wit'out yer shit!"

"I can say all I care for, Casey," He says, dangerously, "I would hold my tongue if you wish to keep it within your worthless mouth."

"Mi- Henry, please come back with us," Donny says, "You're going to kill my brother!"

"I'll bandage myself if I have to," He replies.

"You know how difficult that is," Donny shoots back, "Let me help you. I don't care what happens afterwards, I just don't want Mikey to die!"

Raph's POV:

It looked like we were winning. I really thought we would, but that was before Bishop began to use our uncoordinated attacks against us. Leo was holding back at drawing his katanas. I know he usually uses them only when he needs to. He was waiting for the right time to up his game. Well that's soon to change…

Bishop lands a solid kick to my brother's face before using him as a launch pad to regain his advantage. As he reached the blood drenched examining table, he hurriedly tilted it so it was mostly vertical again. I aimed a punch at his head but he merely grabbed my wrist and slammed me against the table. I tried to forget the fact that the blood on it belonged to my baby brother. A memory passed over my eyes of when he did this to Mikey the last time he had us all as Bishop used my disorientation to strap me to the table.

"I'll just use you instead," Bishop says and all thought goes out the window when my eyes land on what he's holding: an electrical saw. _Shit._ My eyes watch the tool and I can't move to save my life both 'cause of the straps holding me down and the shock of seeing that saw. I can't help but be reminded of my torture at the hands of my enemy. I don't think I've recovered from being broken judging by this paralyzing fear. I can't do anything but wait for that saw to cut into me; to kill me, once and for all…

"No!" I barely hear Leo's shout over my fear and the quivering of my own body. I can't even close my eyes as I hear the sliding of metal before a flash of silver and red. Only when I feel blood that is not my own splatter along my plastron do I snap out of it long enough to notice Bishop's headless prone form before me and Leo hunched over after the attack. When he stands straight, his drawn double katana catch the bizarre light and my eyes are drawn to them. I don't notice the blood covering them. I can only see the sharp edge of the blade: sharp enough to cut clean through Bishop's neck, but that is not what's going through my mind right now…

Leo's katanas are just more knives to me. I'm glad he hadn't drawn them until know. With Bishop dead, I don't have to worry so much about freezing up like I am now. I can't see anything else but those blades. This feeling's worse then I ever felt about my own sais…

"Raph?" I barely hear the hesitant call through my tormented thoughts. "You alright?"

_No, I'm not alright, Leo. I'm far from 'alright'._ I'm still seeing the sharp edge of a sword and picturing it cutting into my flesh. This was a bad idea.

"Raph?" This time Leo's voice is starting to fill with worry, but again I barely hear it. What am I going to do about this stupid fear?

Mikey's POV:

I can't believe I let Henry take my life away. I pull hard against the chains binding me to a chair in the darkest part of my own mind. Unlike the last time I fazed out like at the slave camps, this time I can still hear what's going on outside my mental prison. Why does Henry have to be so mean about this? I mean, sure he won and all, but he doesn't have to dis my family like that! Go ahead and dis me all you want, but don't dis them when all they're trying to do is help!

"_They can't help you,"_ Henry says, _"You are mine."_

"_But…I'll die…"_ I say, brokenly. Henry laughs at this.

"_Die? Michelangelo, you want to die! You're just too much of a coward to go through with it!"_

My eyes widen helplessly as I'm forced to remember that first week after our escape…

…_I watch the late night traffic from a high roof above. A tear falls freely down my face as I picture myself splattered on the pavement below. My brothers think I'm still trying to find my Klunky, but I gave up on that search a few hours ago. I'll never see my cat again just like I'll never see Joe. Oh Joe, why'd you have to leave me behind like this? Why couldn't you take me with you?_

_I almost thought I was gonna lose Leo too when I watched the flames overtake him. I've seen enough old movies where they'd burn someone alive to know how long it takes 'til death comes knocking at your door. I've never seen a survivor. I know he was lucky to survive…or was it cursed? If he feels anything like I do right now, I'd say cursed. To be so close to the bliss of death but instead you're dragged back to the pain of life…_

_I shake my head at these thoughts as I stand to my feet. Looking down at the different world below I almost have to roll my eyes. Those ignorant people scurrying about the world without a care when death is always just lurking around the corner. How can they live so obliviously? Why can't they feel my hurt pulsating through them?_

_My brothers don't understand. I guess they just don't know me well enough. They don't know how much I've changed. That the very idea of reverting to my old self sickens me. I can't do that. Not without Joe by my side._

_Maybe we could have had a life together? She just needed to live a few more weeks. Would I still feel this way? Could this just be my way of maturing? My brothers always bugged me about that… Well here I am: you won't be hearing any more jokes from me. I'm through with that life._

_I wonder what will be done with my body after it hits the ground so many miles down below? Would it matter? Guess not. I'll be dead anyway. Finally free of this eternal pain. It would be a relief just to end it now: to just jump. I step forward so my toes are wiggling over the edge of the roof. It won't be hard to take the leap. I'm used to jumping off buildings. I know the feeling of freedom a second before my feet touch solid ground. This should be easy._

_Then why am I still on this stupid roof? Why haven't I jumped yet? What's taking me so long? It's just one step and then gravity will take over. One lousy step! It's easier then the rest of the possible ways. Believe me, I've tried. Come on! It's now or never!_

_At the buzz of my shell cell, I almost do fall of the roof. I look at my cell and debate on whether to answer it or not. I could just jump now…_

"…_But you didn't,"_ Henry reminds me with a sneer I can't don't have to see and a cold laugh, _"A coward who couldn't even take his own life!"_

"_Shut up,"_ I mumble, weakly, _"You weren't there."_

"_Yes I was,"_ Henry says, _"I was locked in that same chair you are in now. I saw it all. You actually forgot to jump when you took the call and ran back to your living hell instead. Such a coward…"_

"_I said 'shut up'!"_ I say with a little more power. My eyes are really tearing up at this point, but I don't care. I just want him to leave me alone and stop reminding me of my failures.

"_I'm going to help you, Michelangelo. I'm going to help you die."_

_

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_

**A/N:** Well...sorry? *waves white flag* Don't kill me now or then there will be no more fic. I gotta write it yanno? Reviews for the hungry author? Please? *trademark Mikey eyes*


	11. Bleeding Out

**A/N:** I know finally right? I wish I could have this awesome excuse like "School getting in the way" or something like that. The sad truth is, I had this update (and more) already writen down on lined paper. I just didn't realize it and was lazy. I'll try to get you all caught up ^_^ So anyway, Now you get to see more of what Henry did. Because of April and Leo's long posts in the end, this may be my longest chapter yet. Wow this is old... *sweatdrop* We can all hate Henry now. YAY! Henry even gets a POV! It's that strange? That's what held me up in the first place but yeah... Oh, and yanno how you guys wanted a Caden/Leo moment? Ya got it but it may not be what ya expected :D So, I won't hold ya up. Go ahead and read it!

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, I don't own 'em. What of it? They's been stationary too long for me to own them. I only own Caden, Annie, Henry and any other unrecognizeable characters. (PS: Trek will make a reappearance!)

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Leo's POV:

"Raph!" I say loudly without yelling, but I still get no response. Ever since I unbuckled the straps and held him, he still refrains from answering me. Why isn't he answering? I lift his face towards me and notice the almost vacant expression in his eyes. He's not really looking at anything. It's almost as if he's seeing something different…

"Raph, come on, bro!" I say more urgently, "Snap out of it. We gotta get out of here. Mikey needs medical attention _now!"_

I watch as his eyes narrow in concentration. I can tell he's still out of it though. His eyes are still locked on something only he can see, but at least he's trying. "That's it, Raph," I say, "You can snap out of this. I know ya can."

"L…Leo…?" Raph whispers.

"Hey do ya think you can walk with me now?" I ask softly. Without responding, Raph slowly got to his feet. The movement seemed to snap him out of it more and he shook his head and palmed his forehead.

"You alright now?" I ask.

"Yeah…jus' peachy," He says.

"Then let's go," I say, grabbing my katanas and wiping the blood off of them before sheathing them. Then I look around the room. I'm surprised when I don't see Donny, Casey, or Mikey. "Where did they go…?"

"Huh?" Raph asks before looking around himself.

"They're not here," I say before grabbing Raph's wrist and begin towards the only exit, "Come on!" They might have just left while we were fighting. They can't be far…

Donny's POV

"M-Henry?" I say slowly. I hate this. I don't want to admit we're a little too late, but with this Henry in charge, I know it will be harder to get Mikey safe. "Please?"

"No," Henry says, "That would be against his wishes. He wants to die, Donatello. As his only friend, it would be rude of me to force him to continue living this life any longer. If he dies? All the better for him."

"No," I say, softly with my fist clenched, "You can't let him die!"

"What am I to deny his last wish?" Henry says, "He and I are one of the same. It would be like betraying myself."

"You can't do this!" I rage – that ever-present anger rising to the surface.

"A little too late," He says before disappearing through the door. I run out after him, ignoring the sounds indicating Leo and Raph finally joining us. I have to get Mikey back.

"What's going on?" Leo asks as he runs to catch up with Raph trailing behind.

"Mikey had a mental breakdown. It sounds like it was a long time coming. Bishop just sealed the deal." I say as I run, "I have to find him before he dies of the injury!"

Henry's POV

It doesn't take long for me to ditch my pursuers. With Michelangelo's skills, it was just too easy. In the back of my mind, I hear his protests, but I ignore them. He wanted this. He's just too scared to do it himself. He should be glad he has me to help. That ungrateful nuisance won't be bothering me for long though.

I check the bandages Donatello wrapped around his plastron. They're already stained with his blood. Even if I could feel pain, I wouldn't with this energy. The pain has passed. Now all that's left is to slowly bleed to death. Not one of the more pleasant things I've done…

"_Pleasant?"_ Michelangelo scoffs at me.

"You are to be silent now." I demand, "It's my turn."

"_You bothered me all the time,"_ He says, childishly.

This time I choose to ignore him. Nothing he says is important anyway. Instead, I continue on my way. That is until this body gives out on me and I'm forced to stumble slightly before collapsing against a wall. I can feel a weak fear coming from Michelangelo. He must know his time is short. It won't be long now…

Raphael's POV:

This day just seems to be getting worse. First, I face a fear and lose myself, and now Mikey, who we were trying to rescue in the first place, runs off! Don didn't really explain too much about what's going on, but he doesn't have to. I know this has something to do with Henry. I also know if we don't find him in time, he'll die! I can't let my baby brother die. Not like this.

When Don stops ahead of me, I know something's wrong. I watch him look around frantically before asking what's wrong.

"I lost him," Don says with an edge of worried anger, "I don't know where he went! What are we gonna do now?"

"I don't know," Leo says almost awkwardly. I stop listening at that point. I wish I could kill this Henry for what he's doing to my brother, but he's just a figment of Mike's messed up mind. I can't do anything about what's going on with him. Only he can at this point. I hate this so much!

"What's up, man?" Casey asks me as he places his hand on my shoulder. I notice his voice is a little more mellow than usual. I was going to answer him when my eyes land on blood splotches.

"Blood," I say as I move to look closer. "Guys, come this way!" I yell as I run, following the trail to where I believe Mikey may have headed. By the time we've caught up, Mikey is slumped against the wall. Blood is staining the bandages and his plastron. I kneel down next to him and turn his face towards me. His eyes are closed and his jaw his slack.

"Mikey!" I yell as I shake him a little, "Come on, wake up! You can't be dead! Not yet!" When I receive no response, I knew something had to be done. I hope Henry hasn't killed my brother…

April's POV:

I flip through channels at random as I lie on my side on my couch. I have one arm wrapped around my chest lazily. I just can't seem to settle on what I want to watch.

"April," Annie says as she walks into the room, "Caden's here." I turn just in time to see a morose Caden walk in behind her.

"I thought Casey took you to the guy's lair." I say as I sit up.

"They all left me so I came here." He says with his head down, his blue bandana almost slipping of his head.

"By yourself?" I demand of him.

"Well I am sixteen," He says as he finally looks up at me. "The turtles came here when they were that age."

"Yeah, but you're not a trained ninja."

"I did learn a few things from Leonardo-sensei. I can take care of myself."

"Leo wouldn't be too happy you went alone."

"He won't do anything. He hasn't since he gave me this." With that, he removes his bandana and begins fingering it.

"What's wrong?" Annie asks as she grabs his hand in both of hers.

"Nu'in'," He says as he looks away, "…OH! Casey socked Donny! It was like POW!" He punched his fist through the empty air in emphasis, "And Don just fell back all dazed and stuff. It was so sweet!" He tries to hold the grin on his face, but I can tell not that he is unhappy.

"Really? Why?" Annie asks, awed.

"Ta put 'im right," Caden says, "Donny was dissin' his bro again. Casey stood up fer his friend. Hopefully now Raph and Don won't fight so much."

"He didn't have to punch him." I say, slightly stern.

"He did deserve it." He says with a sideways glance at me, "Raph's cool. He doesn't need Don's attitude."

"Well you're right about that," I say to him, "Something's wrong though. What is it?"

"I said nu'in's wrong," Caden says as innocently as possible. After a look from me though, his expression changes. "It's Mikey. Don left me at tha lair 'cuz Leo called 'im ta tell 'im somethin' happened ta Mikey."

"What happened?" I ask with my eyes wide.

"I don't know. No one told me." He says with a half-worried, half-heartbroken look. I really wish I could comfort him, but that's not possible right now. He's a teenage boy and I still can't overcome this fear for myself. Thankfully, I didn't have to do anything. Annie reached over and hugged Caden for me.

"It'll be alright, Caden," Annie says, "I'm sure Mikey will be fine."

"Yeah, his brothers won't allow anything to happen to him." I say with a small smile, "No matter what has happened between them, none of them would put anything before him. They'll be back and it seems Leo will be with them." I only believed a little of what I said. What if they can't help Mikey? I don't even know what happened! He could be hurt or…dead…for all I know. I hope he's okay. Mikey and his brothers have gone through enough turmoil. They don't need this on top of that!

I know the smile on Caden's face is now only half true. He's still upset. So instead of immediately calling the guys for answers, I cook him something to eat and let him and Annie talk among themselves. Those two are really getting close. I smile as I watch them for a bit before I can't handle it anymore. I pick up my phone and dial Leo, hoping he has his cell on him this time. It takes a few minutes before Leo does answer.

"April?" He asks, sounding a little out of breath. It's very rare I hear him sound like that, but it doesn't surprise me.

"What happened with Mikey?" I ask.

"How did you know something happened to him?" Leo asks me.

"Caden came over and told me when Don left him alone at the lair." I explain, "Now talk."

"April…" He moans, "I don't know if Mike's alright. Raph and Don are working on him right now…"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want you worried," He says, evading the question.

"Too late," I say, "Is Mikey alright?"

"I said I don't know. He lost a lot of blood. Bishop had succeeded in cutting him open before we got there and now he could die!" Leo tells me. I can hear his usual calm and collected voice begin to sound strained and full of anxiety as he talks. I really don't like what I'm hearing.

"Calm down Leo," I say quietly.

"I can't," He says, simply, "I wasn't ready for this. I can't take care of this family when I can barely keep control of myself. We're falling apart. This is all my fault. I… Raph should have let the fire k-kill me. I'm useless to them now…"

"Don't say that," I say, sharply, "They need you now more then ever! You're not one to give up so easily. Don't start now!"

"I can't do this, April! I'm sorry. As soon as I know whether Mikey's alright or not, I'm leaving. I just need a little time to myself."

"You've had enough time, Leonardo. You can't turn your back on your brothers like this. They need you. You don't want to do this." I'm pleading with him at this point. I've known since he brought the cat and then the kittens over that he's been having trouble readjusting, but I never knew it was this bad.

"April?" I hear Caden's voice behind me, "Are ya talkin' ta Leo?"

I cover the mouthpiece of the phone before I nod, "Yes."

"I wanna talk ta him!" He says and before I can give him a response, he snatches the phone from me and runs away with it…

Leonardo's POV:

I can't believe Mikey could die. I had hoped nothing else would happen to my brothers when we escaped from Shredder's slave-camps. I remember Mikey used to be so carefree before all this. He used to laugh and his smile was never faked. Now all that's gone. I didn't see it before, but Mikey lost his light. I don't deserve to be here when I caused all this.

As soon as Donny and I caught up to Raph and Casey, Don literally pushed Raph away and got to work. I couldn't. I had just sat there and done nothing. All I could do was watch as the blood continued to seep through my little brother's bandages. He looked dead to me. Raph had checked and sad he barely had a pulse, so he was still alive, but he looked dead; lifeless. He was just lying there where he had collapsed and didn't get up again. I hope he doesn't die… Not now…

I didn't expect to tell April any of this. Especially my own feelings. I just couldn't stop talking once I started. When I did though, my legs suddenly felt weak and I had to collapse to my knees. The feeling's I've been holding back since my close encounter with death now drained out of me. It's so obvious I was not meant to live this long. I should have been dead. Now I'm being punished for living.

My head snaps up when I hear Caden's voice instead of April's on the other end of the line; my charge and _deshi. _I haven't really spoken with him since my near execution. Just seeing him reminds me of my failures, The missing fingers on his hands the most visible sign of the infirmary's abuse. Sometimes I forget Raph went through similar treatment. His signs are more emotional than Caden's. That and I should have stopped Hun from taking him. I was there. I could've stopped him.

"Hey, Leo," Caden says, "Why are ya always gone? I miss you. Ya still hafta teach me ta be a ninja master like you!"

"Caden…" I say, slowly. Sometimes I wonder how I can put up with him. Just when I'm thinking of my greatest failures, he comes up and tells me he admires my mediocre skills. He's never managed to help me feel differently, but he can still distract me, that's for sure.

"What?" He asks, innocently, "I just wan'cha back. You're my sensei. I need ya ta teach me."

"I'm sorry, Caden, but I just can't. Not right now." Sometimes I even wonder why I offered to take him in in the first place. I can't take care of him. I've just been dumping him on my brothers to take care of since I could walk again. I've left him so many times and forgot about him most of those times. How can he still want to talk to me? I'm not much of a roll model.

"What's up, turtle-dude?" Caden asks me, "Ya can't keep up this dreary attitude! Ya really need ta lighten up and have some fun!"

"Caden please," I say with more authority than I've used all day though it still sounded more like pleading. "My brother could be dying. We'll talk later."

"You promise?" Caden asks.

"Ah, sure," I say, suddenly feeling like I trapped myself in a hole. I click the cell closed before Caden can somehow find a way to stay on the phone with me. I sigh in relief as I replace the cell in my belt.

"Caden really misses ya, Leo," I hear Casey say. I snap my head up to look at him hovering over me. He has that stubborn look that I know means he wants to talk some since into me. First Raph, then April, and now Casey? Who's next? Why can't I just be left alone…

"Is Mikey gonna be alright?" I ask as a change of topic. I might as well ask as I am worried about my brother.

"He's not lookin' too good. Don's still workin' on 'im b'fore we can move 'im." He says, "That was April who called you at first, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," I tell him with a sigh, giving up.

"Hell, I didn't want 'er ta find out about this. She's al'eady got enough ta worry about. Her place is closer so we're gonna take Mike there when Don's ready."

"Are you going to try to make me stay?" I ask, flatly.

"I already set Don straight when I couldn't take his shit anymore today. I'm in no hurry ta fight wit'cho too. I will if I hafta. Raph shouldn't be forced ta take care o' ev'rythin' 'imself. Yanno he's still messed up from that infirmary thing? He's fuckin' scared of anythin' sharp 'n' he can't even go near Don's lab. Ya didn't know that, didja?"

"Well…no," I say. It all makes since now though. That's why he doesn't wear his says so much anymore…and why he froze up after I took Bishop's head off. My katanas… He would be scared of those especially. They're sharper than his sais. I wish I'd known, but what else could I do? I had to stop Bishop or Raph would also be dying like Mikey could be right now.

I take a shaky breath and turn away from Casey. "Don't try to guilt-trip me. Raph's already tried that. I don't need anymore guilt. I have enough of it to last awhile."

"If ya don't take that first step, it's gonna be harder later on." Casey says, sounding surprising wise.

"I know. I'm just not ready yet."

"When will you be ready?" Casey asks as if he doesn't care for the answer. "At least stay as long as ya can. I know yer worried about Mikey as we all are." He then offers me a hand up. I take it, though I only did so out of reflex mostly. I don't give him an answer as I approach my brothers.

"How's Mikey doing?" I ask anyone who will answer.

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**A/N:** Please please leave a review. I really didn't wanna cut ya off here. I switched POVs here though so I had to :( Anyway. Reviewing makes chapters come faster. :D


	12. Dying Inside

**A/N:** Mikey takes up the majority of this chapter *sigh* All the other parts are short. I had trouble getting to the last scene at first. At least from know on the chapters will be FUN to type. I'm almost done with this notebook too... This fic may end up being as long as Messages on the Wall was. o.o Anyway, read on.

OH! You may have guessed by now but I'll tell ya anyway. Quoted lines in italics are talking but is not heard outloud.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them. I'm practically killing them! I only own Caden, Annie, Jo, Henry, and Trek (and Chief Crayne and Cliff but they only appear in the fic before this). I also own the plot!

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Donatello's POV:

As soon I get to work on Mikey, I knew it was a slime chance he would survive this. It was already a fatal injury if not treated right away and through I did slow the bleeding with the bandages, that became useless with him running off like that. All I can do right now is re-bandage him. With so much blood that he's already lost, he's gonna need a transfusion – which is always a tricky process with us – or at least something to keep him stable until his body replenishes the lost amount. Whatever that needs to be done needs to be done quickly. I will not allow Mikey to die. Henry can not be allowed to win.

At Leo's question, I was just finishing up with the preliminaries. "We can move him now. He's stable enough for transport, but we'll have to be careful and fast. I can't do what I need to here. I don't even have the proper materials. I'll need someone to go to the lair for supplies."

"Casey and I will." Raph says.

"We'll take my bike," Casey agrees, "Whaddaya need?" I gave them a list and their locations before turning to Leo as they ran off.

"We need to get him to the van."

"You carry him," Leo says, instantly as he shifts his weight, directing my attention to the bandages covering his legs.

"You don't need those bandages anymore, Leo." I say, sharply, as I lift Mikey carefully in my arms so his bandages don't come undone. "In fact, you should get rid of them. They're only inhibiting the healing process. You're legs are fine."

"They still bother me," He says, vaguely.

"They shouldn't." I can't help but be blunt and piercing with my words. "If they still bother you, then that's all in your head. Get over it." When I reach the edge of the roof, I maneuver Mikey so I handle the ladder with one hand.

"Stop it, Don." Leo demands, sounding almost like himself.

"I haven't even started yet." I say nonchalantly with a bit of anger. "You always take everyone's guilt as your own and compile it into an almost physical weight. Now this misplaced guilt is all your own and your holding yourself back like you want to feel that weight crushing you. It's not even worth it! I don't know what makes you think you deserve this forced solitude. If anyone should feel guilt, it's me. I let Hun take me down like it was nothing and let you worry whether I was even alive after that! That's when I began to act like this raging beast. Now that's a reason to desire solitude." Leo doesn't respond and I have to glance up at him to see if he was even there. He isn't even acknowledging me anymore.

I take the rest of the way done with a jump and quickly move towards the van. It's mostly silent as Leo opens the back doors for me and I hop inside to carefully lay Mikey down on the floor. I hear the front driver's door open and close, informing me Leo was driving. The van starts up as I finish securing Mikey and we're finally on our way.

"You're not the only one to lecture me today, Don." Leo says after a few minutes of driving. "It seems everyone wants their chance to get me back. Mikey was the only one who hasn't yet. Even Caden's tried, but none of your attempts worked. I'm sorry. I've tried to overcome this, but too much is happening at once. I'm not ready to handle it. When I leave this time, I may not come back. Don't tell anyone this. They probably already know anyway. I just need more time."

This time I lead the conversation into silence. I want my brother back, but I don't know if that'll ever happen. I don't know if anything will ever work out right.

Casey's POV

While on the way to get the supplies Don needs, I notice some of the stuff's in his lab. I might have to get those things if Raph has trouble. I hope Raph can eventually get over that fear. All I can do is help him right now. That's what best buds are for.

We finally arrive at the warehouse-turned-garage above the lair. I park my 'bike and Raph and I make our way to the elevator to the lair. I glance at the list as I slowly follow Raph inside. "Most of this stuff's in Don's lab so…" I begin.

"Raph glances at the enclosed space in question before saying, "Yeah, I'll get tha otha stuff first. You can handle tha stuff in tha lab, right? I'll…help ya if I get done first…"

"'Kay."

"What has happened, my son?" Splinter says as he appears outside of his room all ninja-like. I swear he wasn't there before… I walk towards the lab letting Raph handle that.

"It's Mikey. He's…" I hear before I stop paying attention. I continuously glance at the list as I pack the stuff up. Eventually, I finish up and meet Raph near the door.

"Got everything?" He asks me as he grabs the duffel I used to place his stuff inside.

"Yep, let's head out."

April's POV

As soon as I hear the door of the van close outside, I know they've arrived. Donny called ahead to tell me they were coming so I was ready to open the door for them. My first look at Mikey, I thought he looked dead. He's so pale and he's almost completely covered in his own blood.

I had Donny set Mikey on the couch as I left to get new bandages, his old ones now soaked through. I glanced at Leo momentarily. He seems to be mostly hovering off to the side. He really looked out of place just like he did that other time he was over.

Caden and Annie appeared almost as soon as I returned. Thankfully, both seemed more interested in Mikey's heath and left Leo alone. I think Leo was relieved at that. I hand Donny a rag and a bucket of water so he could wash off the blood covering Mikey. Raph and Casey arrived with Master Splinter soon after and handed over the duffel bag full of the materials Donny asked for. He went to work immediately. Raph watched from a chair and Casey held my hand where I stood by the opposite wall. I know Casey wanted to do more, but I'm glad he refrained.

Splinter's POV

When Donatello was finished, I approach Michelangelo's limp form. I was told there was nothing else that could be done for him. All we can do is wait for him to wake now. I sit down in a chair brought for me nest to my youngest and place a hand on his arm. I can feel his emotional turmoil like it was a physical enemy. My son who, along with his brothers, never fully got over his mental trauma. I had tried to prevent this, but not even I can fully stop the pain they feel. It all makes me feel so old and frail.

"Michelangelo, my son," I whisper to him, "Please find your way back to us. I know your journey may be tough, but your family needs you. Don't let go. Fight this. Come back to me, my son."

Michelangelo's POV

Let me tell you: dying hurts. Even with Henry holding me back, it's like my whole body's fighting against it. Henry seems to think if I just let go, it won't hurt anymore. I don't know if I believe him. That sounds scary. This is as close as I've ever been to letting myself die even if it's Henry's fault. It's hard for me to know what I really want. Henry's thoughts keep mixing with my own and I just don't know anymore. At least I'm not tied up anymore, but just lying here's not helping any. I can't move anyway. I'm just lying face-down on the nothingness. I'm limp and completely helpless.

Maybe I should just give up? I'll get to see Jo again. I think I really loved her. She shouldn't have been taken away from me, before I could find out. I shouldn't have left her. She's probably waiting for me. I just have to let go and I'll be with her again. A dreamy smile crosses my face at that.

My brothers don't understand anyway. They can't. They've never loved like I have. They've never truly found a girl like Jo. April doesn't count. She's too old for us and Angel definitely doesn't count. She's just not love material. I don't even think Leo likes Karai anymore. She just messed up too many times. None of the girls we know are like Jo. Okay maybe there's that alien chick Donny crushed on, but Don's over her I think. She was just a passing stranger we helped out. I wonder if Donny kept that lock of her hair? I'd have to ask him that… If I live through this of course. I don't know if I will…

"_Just what do you think you're doing, ya lazy klutz?"_

"_Jo?"_ I ask as I open my eyes to the dark void of nothingness inside my own head. I don't see anything so I return to my curled-up position on the ground.

"_Michelangelo! Getch'er butt up right this instant!"_

I look up at her voice again. I know I heard it. I must be going crazy. Either that or I'm dead already….

"_Yer not dead…yet,"_ She says. That's when I spot her. She's still wearing the ripped clothing she wore at her death with her messy boy-ish haircut. She has her hands on her hips and she's starring down at me with her usual withering look. Oh god, I love her! I want to be with her forever!

"_Don't be ridiculous."_ She says as she turns away with her arms folded over her chest. _"Yer still as ignorant as ever. Stop tryin' ta see me. You'll get yerself in trouble…more trouble."_

"_But…I want to…"_ I tell her feebly as I reach for her. A feeling of peace – so different from the pain of earlier – comes over me with the motion.

"_No, don't say that."_ She says, sternly as she smacks my hand away – the touch alone increasing the peaceful feeling twice as much before disappearing entirely to be replaced with the dull pain of earlier. _"Don't even touch me. Ya can't do that to yer family."_

"_Wha- what do ya mean?"_ I ask her, stunned.

"_Don't make me take you away from your family. You have a choice – one I neva had. Take it."_

"_Jo…?"_

"_Please Mikey…"_

"_But…"_ I feel a tear fall from my eye and I quickly wipe it away. _"But I need you. I can't live without you."_

"_Ya did b'fore, shell-fer-brains."_ She says, editing her usual 'dung-for-brains' insult I never practically liked. _"Can't ya see what'cher doin' ta yer family? Yer dad wants ya back. Didn't ya hear 'im?"_

"…_No…"_

"_Yer probably too busy convincin' yerself ta die then. Well he did. Even yer brothers do. Yer tearin' what's left of 'em apart. How can ya do that? You've always talked so highly about them b'fore. Why?"_

"_Because…'cause they don't understand me. They don't know me. They can't understand what I'm going through and they ignore me. They don't care. They don't realize…what you meant to me. They laugh about it. I'm nothing to them. I'm just a shadow walking among them and they don't notice I'm there. They don't notice my pain. They know nothing. They hate me."_

"_Is that you or Henry talkin'? 'Cuz it sounds like Henry's messin' wit'cher feelin's again. Didn't Raph try ta help ya and you just brushed 'im off? It looks like ya jus' don't wanna be saved."_

"_I…I don't know… Everything's so confusing."_ I tell her_, "I just wanna stop thinking…"_

"_Don't ya do that already?"_ Jo asks with a crack of a smile.

"_Heh, not funny,"_ I say, unable to hold back my smile.

"_You thought it was."_ She says, _"Mikey, ya really gotta let yer family help ya. They do care about'cha, but ya can't keep hidin' from them if ya want their help."_

"_It's too late… Henry killed me…"_

"_No it isn't,"_ She says, firmly, _"Ya have a choice. Weren't'cha list'nin'?"_

"_I don't get it."_

"_I was sent here ta collect ya if ya choose ta go, but ya can still live if yer up ta it. Just turn back."_

"_I'm not ready for this, Jo."_ I say, shakily.

"_Ya have ta be."_ She says, _"Choose yer fate, Mikey."_

_

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_

**A/N:** Please review. Ya can't resist the power of the review button ^.^ OH! And for those who care, I'm on vacation so I can type more now (I had exams to study for last week) though I'll write less. I'll be away from my comp on thursday and forbidden on friday for obvious reasons. I also only get nights to type too so updates will be slow. Here's a heads-up. Who likes Treckcarion from Messages? He will make a reappearence immediately in the next chapter doing what he does best: showing Raph new things he can do randomly. ^.^


	13. To die or not to die

**A/N:** Here's the next chapter especially for you! I'll say Merry Christmas now to you all as I know the next chapter may come after Christmas. I need to write it first! I finally caught you guys up! The next chapter's first POV isn't even finished yet! I'll try to get it done quickly but I need to update another one of my fics now that someone wants done. Only three POVs this time o.o And TREK! :D

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them. Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman do. I only own Caden, Annie, Trek, Henry, and Joe (along with Don's friend Cliff and Chief, Jo's gramps). The plot is mine and I only borrow these awesome characters ^.^

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Raphael's POV

A knock comes at the door and I quickly glance at it. I'm surprised when I hear a familiar voice. "Trek?" I call as I move towards the door.

"Greetings, Raphael." Trekcarion, my alien buddy from the slave camps, enters the room through the back door held open by Casey. He's wearing a brown cloak to cover his light green skin. He pulls the hood down as he moves towards me, revealing his tentacle beard and hair. I'm still staring at him. I never thought I'd see him again. This is the guy who helped keep me on track so the sadistic guards wouldn't get a hold of me as often as they would have. I thought he'd gone back to wherever he came from…

"I heard about what happened to your brother." He says as he places a hand on my shoulder. "How is he?"

"He's…" I look away from him at that. "Donny says he's stable but anythin' can happen."

"Let me take a look at him." He says and I lead him over to my unconscious brother. Master Splinter's still beside him and he looks up at our approach. I hope sensei's doing alright. I didn't want to bring him along but he insisted…

Trek takes a spot next to Splinter and they start talking as my friend watches my brother's shallow breathing. I really hope Mike doesn't die on us. We need that goofball. He's the only thing keeping me going. It's always been like that. No matter how much I complain about him, I wouldn't have him any other way. Right now all I want is for him to live. I don't even care if Henry's there this time. I just want my brother back.

"Raphael?" Trek calls, "Come over here for a second." I look over at him before slowly walking over.

"What?" I ask, trying to sound stronger than I feel right now.

"Your friend has confirmed an idea I have been leaning towards in helping your brother." Splinter says.

"I have found that your brother's spirit's on shaky ground. This may help bring him back." Trek says.

"You'll need to round up your brothers for this." Splinter says, "We will do the same as we had done to help Leonardo before."

"Ya mean talk ta him?" I ask.

"It will be a little more than that, but that's the general idea." Trek says, "I can make sure he hears it."

"'Notha one of those things I don't know about?" I ask with a brow raised.

"Yes, Raphael." He says with a wink.

"Fine, but how do ya expect Leo and Don to cooperate? Don hates me! And Leo ain't much betta with that attitude of his!"

"Donatello does not hate you, Raphael." Splinter says with a sigh, "I believe the three of you will temporarily forget your misgivings in light of this. You will unite under a common goal. I know all three of you want Michelangelo back with us. Have Trekcarion accompany you if you must. This needs to be done. Michelangelo is counting on you and your brothers."

"Hai, sensei," I say hollowly, before turning to find Leo and Don.

Michelangelo's POV

"_Chose your fate, Mikey."_

Her words seem to echo dully in my head. I'm so scared to say my answer in case I blow it. I want so badly to say _yes, take me_, but is that what I really want? What's wrong with me? Why can't I just say my answer when I finally have the chance. It's so simple and yet so hard. I don't know what I want anymore! I thought I wanted to die. Isn't that why I tried to kill myself that first week back? What's holding me back?

"_Go on and let her take you. This is want you want, isn't it? To be with her? What's so hard about that? It'll take the pain away."_

"_Henry?"_ I ask.

"_Yes, I've come to help you."_ He says. I look around and spot him off my side. He looks so completely solid, it's scary. He's a boy just a little older than me. How can that be scary? Is it those strange red eyes?

He walks over to me and touches my shoulder as if in comfort, but I get a strange urge to cower at his touch. My breathing is shaky. I don't know what to do. This is all just too much for me too handle. Maybe I should go with Jo…

"_Don't listen to him, Mikey, please!"_ Joe says.

"_Why not?"_ I ask almost unconsciously.

"_You don't want to die. I know you can fight all this. You can beat the odds. You can survive."_

"_What if I don't wanna try? What's o make me?"_ I can almost feel Henry's deception. I can't choose anymore. I have no choice. I have to end this.

"_I can't decide for you, but please don't do this. Don't leave your family behind. I can never forgive myself for what I did to Gramps. If I had this choice, I would've lived. Don't waste this chance."_

"_But I don't wanna go back!"_ I scream, _"I don't wanna be forgotten! I just want to be with you!"_

"_Henry stop it!"_ Jo yells.

"_What?"_ He asks, silkily, _"I'm not doing anything. These are his true feelings. I can't make things up."_

"_Stop influencing his decision,"_ She says, _"Mikey, he's only forcing out your darker thoughts and making them stronger. He's not allowing you to weigh your options."_

"_Okay,"_ I say without care. I'm still kinda lying on the floor. I close my eyes hoping for a clearer head. That's when I hear the first voice.

"Come on, Mikey. Ya gotta pull through this. I need ya, bro. We all do. Ya betta not be listenin' ta that jerk, Henry. All he says is bull ya got that? So don't let 'im lie ta ya. Please bro."

I look up at the voice and spot Jo smiling. I guess she heard it too. Raph… I feel Henry's hand tighten on my shoulder. I understand why. Henry totally doesn't appreciate being called a jerk.

"Don't die on me, Mikey. I…I need you. You can't just give up on us. Don't give up. And…and kill Henry for me. That guy gets on my nerves. He doesn't know what you want. You're stronger than him. I know you can do anything. Anyone who says different doesn't know what they're talking about. So don't…give up…like I almost did… To pass on something that helped me: Please don't put us through the pain of losing you."

Donny… With that one, I know I felt a tear fall down my face. My brother's darkest secret and he shared it with me. He didn't even sound angry. He actually sounded like Donny for a minute there. Jo looked like she wanted to touch me, but she was holding back. I wonder if it had anything to do with that strange peace I felt while reaching for her and her duty to guide me…

Henry really wasn't liking these interruptions. I could feel his anger radiating off of him. I'm starting to worry about what he would do. Is he thinking he'll change my mind?

"Mikey, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I've been a terrible brother these last few months. I still don't know what to do. All I know is that I can't let you just die. There's something I want to give you, but you have to wake up, okay? I know you'll like it. That's the one thing I know for sure about you right now. I'm so sorry. I'll…I'll even try to stay with you guys if you come back to us. Just don't give up. I can't lose you. I don't know what'll happen to me if you do…"

Awe, Leo… I lift myself off the ground a little and Henry's hand slips off. Do you think he's losing his power over me? I can actually think to some extent now. Memories of my life with my brothers and me from before all this slave camp business flashes before my eyes; even some from before Shredder. I can't help but smile. I really do love my brothers.

"Now Michelangelo, you've heard your brothers. We all want you back with us. Please do not give up. I love you, my son. We need you to come home. I fear if you leave us, we may never mend. You are the light in the darkness. Your sensitivity is needed to help bring us together. You're too strong to allow this to happen. I can't lose you."

Daddy…? I reach for his voice and can almost feel his furry hand on my arm. Sensei sounds so sad and…old. I wish I could do something about that…

"_You can, Mikey." _Jo says, softly, _"That's what I'm trying to tell you. You can stay with your family. You can still live. You don't have to chose death."_

"_That's not what you want, right?"_ Henry asks, _"You don't want to deal with them anymore, right?"_ He almost sounds like he's grasping at straws, trying to scavenge what he feels he's losing. I look back and forth between the two. Jo's smiling like she knows something I don't and Henry looks pleading. Is it really time for me to choose now? Jo's nod tells me it is and I look away to try to think. This is going to be hard. Now I really don't know if I want to live or not. 'To die or not to die, that is the question.'

April's POV

I've finally convinced everyone to get some sleep. It's been a long night. I knew they had to be exhausted. I was too but they didn't have to know that. They wanted someone to watch Mikey so I am. He looks so vulnerable lying there. He's been unconscious for almost twenty-four hours now and his condition hasn't changed since Donny fixed him up. I wonder if he'll ever wake up from this coma…

I watch Mikey's unmoving form, filled with worry for him. He shouldn't look like this. The smile I used to always see is no longer there. It's terrible. It's just not Mikey. He should be happy and running around to cheer up his brothers.

I hear a moan ad I swear I saw Mike's head move. "Mikey?" I ask.

"Hey, Ap…ril," He says as he opens one eyes to look at me.

"You're awake!" I say, forgetting myself for a moment and hugging him. He grunts at the action but doesn't attempt to move.

"Ya…miss me?" He asks, his voice rough and he coughs quickly to unsuccessfully clear it up.

"Oh Mikey," I say as I back off, "You have no idea. I would call your family but they need their rest. They were up all night and most of the day worrying about you."

"…All of them?" He asks, curiously.

"Yes, all of them. Including Splinter. I wouldn't have even gotten them to sleep at all if Raph's friend Trek hadn't helped me."

"Trek? Heh, it sounds like Shrek." He smiles slightly but it looks more like a grimace. "He's that Jamaican alien guy, right?"

"He's not Jamaican, but yeah." I say with a sigh, "You seem back to normal."

"Eh, I don't know," He says, "I think something happened, but I can't really remember all that much. Henry's gone though. For some reason, I keep seeing a fight between him and…Jo." With that, he smiles in reverence.

"Jo was your friend, right?" I ask, hesitantly.

"Yeah," He says with another sad smile. "April, you look tired. Did you stay up all night too?"

"Um, no," I lie.

"You should get some sleep. I'll be alright."

"If I do, you promise to sleep as well?" I ask with a brow raised.

"I feel like I've been sleeping forever but…yeah," He says after a minute with a long-suffering sigh. "I'm not tired though."

"You'll need your rest if you want to heal."

"Fine," He says with a groan. I smile at his antics before setting up to sleep on my chair; my bed currently occupied by Splinter.

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**A/N:** Please review. It'll make my Christmas! ^.^ Oh and I shoulda wished those none Christmas celebraters things like Happy Hanukah (I love that holiday! I know someone who's jewish and celebrates it! I love the dredal [my fav] and the...um...candle thing and the story behind it ^.^) and Happy Kwansa (for those who celebrate that. I don't get that holiday but I'd like to if you guys know about it. I know the people who celebrate it.) So Happy Holidays and give me reviews as presents! X3 I woke Mike up for you guys!


	14. Healing

**A/N:** And here's Secrets Left Untold X3 Both Leo and Donny's POV's are long and, since I haven't updated in a while, I added a Raph POV. That's all I got writen though. As I said with the other update, my monitor died and my internet's screwy. I didn't have a computer for a week and half!

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Leonardo's POV

For the first night in so long, I actually manage to sleep and not have to worry about a nightmare waking me up. That didn't mean they weren't completely gone. It's just, for some reason, every time I'd almost wake up, something would calm me again. It was a strange sensation to wake fully rested the next morning. You'd think being in the house were our nightmare started would just make it worse…

When I entered the living room, I found myself to be the last to awaken. That was different… Then my eyes land on Mikey – conscious and propped up on the couch chatting and laughing with everyone else. "Mikey?" I call out, frozen in the doorway.

"Welcome to the land of the living, sleepy-head." Mikey says with a half-smile.

"You're…awake…?" I say, still stunned for some unknown reason.

"Obviously," He says, "Come and sit down, bro."

"Okay…" I mumble before finally walking over. I grab a kitchen chair and spin it before sitting backwards on it, my head resting on my folded arms. "When did you wake up?"

"This morning." April mumbles instead and I realize she was still trying to sleep. "Before anyone woke up."

"Oh, where're the kids?" I ask, noticing Caden and Annie's absence. Just because they are only two years younger then I am, I still think of them as kids.

"They went out ta lunch." Raph answers, breaking from a conversation with Trecarion momentarily.

"You removed the bandages…" Donny says, abruptly, breaking out of his silence from where he leaned back against the wall. I look down at my bare legs at his comment, wincing slightly at the sight of the scarred skin.

"Yeah, I guess I did." I say in response. "I was going to replace them."

"Don't." Is his simple order. I say nothing after that. I'm still starring when I have to close my eyes against a flashback. I'm so used to them now, they don't even hurt anymore.

"Leo?" Mikey calls, bringing me forcefully back to the present.

"What?" I ask as I look at him.

"I seem to remember sayin you have something for me…?" He asks with a grin. I smile back, unable to resist his enthusiasm.

"You want it now?"

"Yes, please."

"It's a him actually." April says with a yawn as she gets up. "I'll get him." Mikey looks back and forth between us, curiously.

"Him?" Mikey asks, propping himself up a little straighter, before gasping sharply because of his injury.

"Don't." Donny says in that same way he had said to me. Mikey ignores him as April returns with a bundle in her hands.

"He's not up to full health yet." She says as she sets the bundle next to Mikey who immediately pulls back the small towel to reveal an orange tabby kitten. His eyes widen.

"When I found them, their mother had already been shot. I thought since Klunk's gone, you would like to take one home. It was either that or give them all to the shelter." I say.

"How many?" Mikey asks.

"Three others that I'm sure will be adopted quickly." April says, "This little guy was the weaker of the bunch. Would you like to keep it?"

"Thanks, Leo, April. I'll keep him. I'll call him…Klunk Jr." Mikey rubs his head against the kitten's body and I just had to smile. "He's as cute as Klunk. Maybe cuter as his only a baby."

"Are you planning on staying here, Leonardo?" Master Splinter asks me. I look up to him, quickly, and take a minute to answer.

"I…don't know, sensei." I tell him as I look away. My hands clench as I close my eyes. I can feel my brothers' eyes on me and this makes me fidget slightly.

"How can you not know?" Donny asks, harshly.

"I just don't." I say as I give him a glare.

"Donatello." Splinter says, sternly, before turning back to me. "Can you explain what makes you desire solitude?"

I look up at him again, briefly, before turning to my brothers. "I uh…" I can't sit still any longer, but I resist getting up just yet as my foot starts tapping the floor. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?" Mikey asks me. I can't help but look at him. "I mean it can't be such a big deal. It may seem like it, but it never is. I think you should stay so we can be a family again. That's all I want."

"Mikey…"

"Come on, Leo," He says with a smile, "You can't let me beat you for first to be normal again. Promise me you'll stay?"

"I…I can't promise that…" I say, avoiding his eyes.

"Why not? Talk ta me, bro."

I don't know if I'm ready for this. Maybe I'll never be ready. I don't even know why I'm so scared. I've gotten out of a lot of tough situations before. I've even faced death and made terms with it. The Ancient One taught me so much about what I believed to be failure… Why is this time so different? It shouldn't be like this. I don't understand why I'm shaking just remembering those camps…and that fire…

"Come here." I hear Mikey say softly and I look up at my little brother as he makes room for me on the couch. After a few minutes of contemplation, I get up and join him. I was hoping my shaking would stop but it only seems to get worse as he leans onto my shoulder; one arm loosely held around his bandaged plastron, the other over my shoulders.

"You're shaking." He points out, quietly, "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"A lot of things." I say without even meaning to. I look up and notice the room's empty. "Where did everyone go?"

"They left while you were thinking." Mikey says, "So are we going to talk now, big bro?"

"I don't know…" I mumble, looking down and away again. Mikey doesn't say anything and I glance up at him only to see those blue eyes on me; waiting. I notice they're more dull then I remember… The eyes of someone who's seen death and pain. Maybe he has gone through worse than I…

I turn away before I can speak; the words coming out easily. "I don't know why. I'm scared, Mikey." My shaking only increases with the truth of it. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I was fine up until that…fire." Mikey tightens his arm around me and I close my eyes.

"Did you want to die?"

"Huh?" I say, tipping my head towards him in shock.

"I know I did after Jo, but I always felt that, maybe, you did too. And that now you feel guilty about it."

"I ah…" I stare at him fully for a minute before finally turning away. "I don't think I wanted to die. Just that if I had, everything would be easier. I would've deserved it anyway…"

"So do you feel guilty?"

"I guess…I do, but I…"

"…You don't know why?"

This time, I really have to look at Mikey. "How would you know what I'm thinking?"

"You're not so complicated, Leo. Just confused." He says. "I'm just listening and saying my own feelings. I guess the one good thing about Henry is that he kept me from being too confused. …Even if he just made it worse."

After a moment of silence, I give him a smile. "Okay, little brother. Maybe you're right. I am confused and that really scares me."

"Yanno, if ya don't wanna lead us right now, you don't have to. At least not yet. I just want my brother."

"Again with the mind-reading, but I don't think that will work. Raph wants me to lead."

"He's just in over his head. That's all. Donny's been giving him so much trouble, he doesn't have time for himself. Trek will help him, so don't worry about that."

"Alright I guess…"

"So will you stay with us?" Mikey asks, his pleading eyes on me.

"…Fine Mikey." I tell him, sighing.

"Yay!" He says as he gives me a sideways hug. I can't help but smile. Maybe I can stand staying with them…maybe…

Donatello's POV:

I don't want to be angry anymore. This isn't me. I know that, but I can't seem to stop. Just listening to Leo and Mikey talk… How can Mikey be so broken on minute he nearly died, then be back to his old self the next? It doesn't make sense. It can't be that easy… Even Leo's starting to come back.

I was so lost in thought, I nearly jumped when sensei's hand landed on my arm. I turn in a start to see him leaning heavily on his walking stick for support. "Sensei, I don't think you should be walking around…"

"I'll be fine, my son. I must speak with you. I sense great turmoil within you. Come. We will talk." He says before he starts to walk away. I follow him after a minute or so, unsure what to think. What does he want to talk about with me?

He leads me into April's bedroom, which he was offered to use. Tea's already brewing on a small table next to two mats. "Kneel, my son." He says and, for the first time, I hear the wear of old age seep into his voice. I do as instructed, watching as he kneels as well a little stiffly. "Donatello. My time is running short so I would appreciate it if you would not make this difficult. This rage you carry rivals that of Raphael. I fear it is detrimental to our family…"

"I know, sensei," I interrupt. "I'm sorry. I want to be this angry…"

"Then why are you so?" Splinter asks. I look down at my hands on my knees.

"I…I don't know. It's hard to explain…"

"Try."

The order in his voice surprises me and I look up into his eyes. Those dark eyes usually so full of calm authority and tranquility, now focused on me in such a stern way shows me how serious he is. For some reason, his gaze is uncomfortable and I can't keep eye contact. I don't want to be here anymore. Then the first thing he said pops back in my head and I concentrate on that instead. "Sensei…what did you mean by your 'time is running short'?" I ask, quietly.

"Donatello…" He says with a familiar sigh as he shakes his head with closed eyes. The usual humor in it is lost under a more disappointed edge.

"…Sorry…" I say after a minute as I duck my head back towards my knees.

"No," He says with a small smile to show he's not really mad at the change of subject. "What I mean is that I am dying, my son."

"What?" I ask as I sit up more in shock. He reaches over and lays a hand on my shoulder to calm me.

"My age is finally catching up to me, that's all. I really shouldn't have survived the Shredder's camps, but I kept going for you and your brothers. I'm sorry, but I'll eventually have to leave you. Before I go, I wish for my sons to be ready for that day. Don't try to hold onto me. You'll just end up wasting the time I've been given. Alright?"

"Al-alright sensei," I say, my eyes still wide. I just don't want to accept my father can die. I've always known it was possible. I can't let this happen…

"So Donatello. Back to what we were discussing: explain to me why you believe you are so angry."

"Oh, well um… I don't know…" I begin, hating the fact that the conversation's returned to this topic. "It's just… Well, I think…it started 'cause Hun beat me nearly to death… I told you that."

"Yes."

"Well…I guess I'm mad for letting him do so. I would be dead if it wasn't for Cliff. I gave Hun something to brag about to my brothers…and then I…" I stop talking after that and refuse to look at Master Splinter.

"Ah, I see we have arrived at the true reason. What was it you were going to say, my son? Saying it aloud may help you." Splinter says as he takes my hand and lightly squeezes it for comfort. I still refuse to say anything as my free hand clenches into a fist. He is right. I have found out why I'm angry, but that anger's directed at myself… "Donatello, my son." He continues, "If you do not reveal the root of the problem, how do you expect to destroy its branches? If you do not dislodge the root, it will continue to grow no matter how many times you try to cut it back."

"I don't want to." I say, through my teeth, "Can we not talk about this now?"

"When will we talk about this? Putting it off only makes it harder for when we do. You need to do this, Donatello. It will not just help you, but your brothers as well." He states calmly before adding. "…I will not fault you for anything you may tell me."

I look up at him at that. As usual, my father points out the one thing holding me back. "It's just…I… I gave up. I wanted to die that first day after…"

"That is understandable. You feel guilty for that?"

"…Yes…" I say, slowly. "I couldn't handle the pain. I almost let my brothers – and you – down just because I couldn't handle a little pain."

"That doesn't make you weak, Donatello." Sensei says, "You are alive and with us today. A weaker man would have fallen long ago. You faced down death – more often then most – and, though you were close to giving up that time, you lived. That is admirable, my son."

"But…"

"Shush now." He says, reaching up to caress the side of my face. "You need to realize that there is no need to prove yourself to us and no need for this revenge. Hun is dead now – you killed him. There is no one left you need to eliminate. This fighting just to fight is unnecessary. Can you see that?"

I close my eyes and don't speak for a moment. "I think I do. I want to stop…"

"Then do so. You'll find it's not that difficult. You just need to take that first step…"

Raphael's POV:

Trek had followed me up to the rooftops, silently, but I paid no attention to him. I've never seen Leo so messed up. It's just _not him_. My fists clench against the hard cement. I've never been so happy about killing before, but I am. I'm _glad_ I killed Shredder. That _monster_ is the cause of all this – him and his damn _slave camps._ He really did a number on us this time. He destroyed everything. It shouldn't be taking so long for everything to go back to how it was. What's up with that?

Trek stays silent next to me and I suddenly get this odd feeling he's observing me. I got to admit, that guy can sure creep me out sometimes. I know very little about him and yet he _was_ there for me when I needed him the most… "Okay I give: whatcha lookin' at me for?" I ask without turning.

"Raphael, my friend…I hope you are well…?" Trek says.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Your scars no longer pain you?"

"Well…not really…" I say as my fingers brush against my arm where it's covered with lined scars from the infirmary's torture program. "I haven't had tha time ta think about 'em too much. I've been kinda busy, yanno, with tha family gone ta hell 'n' all."

"I understand, my friend. Would you care to 'think about them' with me so you can fully heal?" He asks, failing at mimicking my accent so badly, I almost laugh.

"It's kinda…difficult."

"I have time."

"Well if yer gonna be like that…" My fingers start taping against my thigh, unable to twirl my sai as I would normally at this point. "I'm still kinda…_scared_." Admitting that causes my hands to clench again. "Yanno, I don't get how that monster could get me down so easily. I ain't that easily broken…am I?" My eyes narrow to hopefully keep my emotions in check.

"Raphael, the infirmary was _designed_ to break any individual who stepped through those walls. No one is above that kind of torture. Not even you. You are the only one I know to recover so well in such a short time."

"Heh, recovered?" I say, ironically, "That was just good ol' Masta Splinter givin' me sum'thin' more important ta focus on fer a while. That's all. I ain't recovered. I ain't…_healed_. I'm jus' holdin' on fer _them_."

"You hold the strength to overcome your fear."

"No I don't." I say as I look at him. "I'm a mess, Trek! I ain't neva gonna recover. Stockman won. That little psycho-_bastard_ beat me! There ain't nuthin' gonna fix this. I don't even have tha punk ta kill fer this!" A dull rage flares through me as I say all this.

"Calm down, my friend." Trek says as he lays a hand on my shoulder, and, for some reason, it works. With a deep breath, the rage leaves me in a rush, leaving me feeling heavy, and just a little off. Then he continues, "Now, why do you feel you are not strong enough?"

"I froze, Trek. When Leo sliced Bishop's head off, I froze! I couldn't move at all. What if that happens in battle and I get killed fer it? I don't like bein' an easy target. I'll neva be able ta fight again. I ain't tha kinda person that can live like that. Fighting's my _life!_ And…I miss my sais." My fingers return to tapping. "I can't use 'em either. They remind me too much a' that place and tha hooks…" I push off my wristband and rub against the bandaged cut there. I wince slightly before just holding my hand against it. _"Dammit!"_ I curse through clenched teeth, "They still _hurt!"_

"Shouldn't they have healed by now?"

"Should've. They're just sore. I can't believe…I almost lost movement in my hands 'cuza this. _Fuck!_ Why me?"

"Would you rather it have been your brothers?"

My eyes widen at this as I look at him. "No, o' course not! I mean I… Well, at first maybe I did…_sorta_…but I can't imagine Mikey or Donny goin' through this. I don't think they could handle sum'thin' like this at all. I wouldn't even wish it on Leo…"

"Then be glad for that. Do you believe that would help you?"

"Sorta… Not completely, but kinda."

"You are very strong, my friend. I am positive you will be well again shortly. Fear may seem like a daunting opponent, but with friends and family, it can only disperse that darkness just that much faster."

"Heh, that sounds like sum'thin' Masta Splin'er would say."

"You do have a wise teacher."

"Heh, yeah I do. I also got myself a good wise friend too." I say with a smile for Trek.

"I hope my advice will help, my good friend."

"Maybe. I'll think on it… Thanks Trek. This was sum'thing I couldn't talk out with my bros and my dad."

"About that… Maybe you should talk to them. I will not be here always and they are your family. They can help you get over your fear."

"I can't, Trek. They're my _family_. They expect me ta take it. If I tell 'em this…"

"Raphael, I believe Leonardo may already have guessed. Even Michelangelo and your friend Casey Jones suspect something very close. You can't keep them in the dark when they already know you so well. It will only cause the hurt in exchange for your silence."

"I…I'll think about it."

"That is all I can ask for."

* * *

**A/N:** Review, review! It might get me interested in writing again!


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